Sex, my Cherie Amor. Stressed but definitely not depressed.

Sex and how to deal with it on this blog is going to be something else. Like the beatings and the molestation I'm not going to tell you everytime it happened because it just happened to often with to many different females.

Lol, it's hard for me to write this because of the wording of it and trying to keep it appropriate for anyone to read. In case you hadn't noticed I tend to be a little blunt and tactless at the best of times. The proper wording doesn't elude me, it just sound so cold and sterile.

None of it was cold and sterile. It was mostly always wet, wild and one hell of a lot of fun. There are girls who don't like me anymore nor I them, now, but the sex we had was so good that now and then we could sleep together again. We just can't live together or be a couple.

That's not unusual for me. I had good teachers and I find that getting turned on is a big circle if done correctly. Lol, unlike most men I happen to like a lot of foreplay. I like to tease and contrary to what you might think I'm very soft, sensual and gentle in bed.

I was driving with a couple of guys today, from India, and they wanted to know how many women I'd been with. I didn't tell them but they stopped guessing after they hit 200. They weren't even in the ball park as you'll see later on.

Heh, I probably should have seen a shrink about that too but it was never something that bothered me. Still doesn't bother me but I realized that I was looking for love from any woman that would give it to me. Yeah, yeah, I know, to replace or make up for the love I never got from my mother.

Unfortunately for the ladies I wasn't capable of loving back. Just of breaking up and moving on when I met the next one who excited me. With one exception from the time I was 13 to 36 long term relationships just never worked. Yeah, I know, that was my fault too. WTH you expect with the way I was raised?

The way I was I probably cheated at least twice in even a two week relationship. Sex just seemed to fall into my lap. Pun intended. Still does. I seldom pursue any woman and if I do it's not for long. Mostly they chase me. Probably because I just don't pay much attention to any of them.

I was also a bad boy, the kind your mother didn't want you to meet. Naturally, rebellious girls wanted to be with me. It was just to easy most of the time.

So, anyway, I met Cherie that night. She asked where we could go and I said the only place I knew was my stepfathers car. So that's where we went. It was dark out and no one was likely to pay any attention to us parked in back of the bar.

She took the lead in everything because I flat out didn't know what to do and watching Beaver Cleaver certainly didn't each me anything. Cherie did tho.

She taught me some of the finer points of kissing and we kissed and touched for a long time. Almost to long. At least she was wearing a pair of short shorts and the usual tight sweater. Damn, she had really nice boobs. Oh hell, everything Cherie had was nice.

She gave me my first fellatio in the back of that car. Lol, not that it lasted long. Anyway, eventually we both ended up naked and she was breathing as hard as I was. We touched each other until I just couldn't stand it and begged her to let me have sex with her.

I do distinguish between having sex, making love and plain out hard core screwing. I seldom make love. I doubt I've told 10 women in my ife that I loved them. Maybe half of those I meant it really, the other half I just thought I did. Altho I did really rerealy like some of them.

Back to Cherie and I in the car. I had no clue what to do next so she showed me that too. She got underneath me and I stabbed ineffectively until she finally grabbed it and put it in for me. Then she started moving and it lasted about two whole minutes.

I loved it, it made me feel so close to her and I wanted to do it again and again and again. Lol, here comes the kicker, Cherie told me after we got dressed that we could do it together anytime I wanted. However it was going to cost me a quarter every time.

I could afford it so we spent pretty much every night that we could, together having sex. I couldn't get enough of the feelings or the closeness. It was great. The greatest thing ever. I know now that there are more important things but there weren't back then.

Sure, I still prefer hot, skinny, small breasted chicks in their 20's. Always have and always will but now at my age and health I find her mind to be more intriguing than I do the sex. There's another reason I still get different women without trying to hard at all.

I dated the oldest woman, last month that I'd dated since I was 17. She was all of 40. As silly and confused as most otf the 20 somethings tho. Now I've been semi dating a woman who is 53. We have a lot in common and I like that. She's not as young as I'd like but she understand me with out explanations. She thinks like I do and she's pretty enough for me

I feel like a stupid teenager with her. Don't act like I normally do. She makes me nervous because she's not near as forward as the rest of the girls I know. I actually have to pursue her and I don't really know how anymore. Rejections scares the hell out of me sometimes and this is one of those times.

Cherie and I had a lot of sex together before I moved. She taught me to kiss and I never had a complaint from anyone. Heh, even tho she was charging me a quarter she always made sure she came too. However she was not my girlfriend. Never was. We just had an arrangement we both really enjoyed.

Don't know what happened to her after I left but I hope she turned out okay. Somehow I suspect she turned out about like I did. To bad for her. I hope, for her sake, that she's happier than I am.

Akk the times we were doing it I didn't care about anything else. Heh, I could think of what Cherie and I did the night before, during a beating, and smile while getting beaten. Used to really piss my mother off.

I've never forgotten Cherie getting naked for us and for having sex with me and teaching me some things. The times I spent with her were some of the happiest I'd ever had.

A great day today and I feel really good.

I talked with T this morning and she brought the baby out because I hadn't seen her for a few days. Baby T is now 16 months and can almost say my name. It's so cool.

T was in back and I was watching the baby when her husband K came in. He played with baby for a minute and then asked me to watch her as he had to go back to work. Then her mom asked me a bit later if I'd mind keeping her busy while she got her bookkeeping done.

Now this is harder than it sounds because baby T is very spoiled and has quite the temper and tends to scream and cry a lot when she doesn't get her way. I spoil her too so it's not like it's something I didn't know. Her mom and I have discussed it and we both agreed it was getting out of hand and I've only known her for 5-6 weeks and she's worse.

When baby T gets mad at me she goes and stands by the door to the private quarters and stands there and screams. Usually her mom will come and let her in but she knows it's not a good thing because the baby just gets mom to pick her up so she'll be quiet. When she gets mad at mom she'll do the same thing to me.

I'm watching her and moms working and baby T decides she wants to throw dry cheerios all over so I took them away and naturally she had a fit. Mom didn't come to her aid and I let her scream and cry for a bit before I went and got her. She came back and sat by me and we talked for a bit. I have no clue what she was saying but I understood the tone. Every guy understands that tone in a female. She was letting me know she wasn't happy.

Then she decided she wanted to go outside. I picked her up so she could see better but she kept making a motion with her hand that means she wants something. She might not be able to make me understand her words yet but she does make me understand somethings. Her mom was back behind the counter so I told her baby and I were going out to see what her dad was doing.

I put her on my shoulders and she started giggling and off we went to explore the outside world together. She loved it and we went and found dad and he held he for a minute and then back on my shoulders. We walked around the whole area like that and everyone talked to her and she would babble back. She loved it and I thought it was the greatest thing. Then she got heavy so we went back inside. We'd been out for about 30 minutes.

She had a tantrum when I put her down inside and kept trying to force the door open. It was funny because she was really mad and frustrated because she couldn't get out. I tryed to distract her with toys and she threw them all on the floor. Finally got her to sit on the couch quietly and then she wanted the toys and wanted me to get them. I wouldn't so she had another bout. I laughed at her and told her I dealt with a woman 6 foot tall who threw tantrums too so she wasn't impressing me at 30 inches or so of fury.

When she got quiet again I put her back on my shoulders and we went back out for another walk. This time she got to say where she wanted to go and would indicate it to me with her hand motion. So we went and she was perfectly content, sitting on my shoulders quietly talking and ooing amd ahing over everything.

She'd indicate she wanted to go see someone and I'd walk over and she'd talk at them for a minute and then indicate she wanted to go somewhere else. She was fascinated by the butterflies and we followed them for a bit. Then she saw a pine cone so I stooped and picked it up and gave it to her. She examined it for a few minutes and was telling me about it. Then she dropped it and I had to pick it up. Not easy for me with her on my shoulders and it happened twice more so I got tired and we went back in.

Mom was working but about done so I sat her on the counter and she was playing with some paper and a pencil when she decided she wanted to play with the calculator mom was using and I wouldn't let her. She got mad and threw everything on the floor and I just let her get mad. She got over it and indicated she wanted the paper and pen from the floor so I put her down to get it. Oops, another fit.

She then went over by the door and started screaming and crying and m0m and I were laughing. After we had both ignored her she soon quit and came over and wrapped her little arms around me and held on. Naturally I melted and picked her up. Then she wanted the stuff on the floor again so we went thru an instant replay.

When she came back and hugged me again I told her we had to pick up her toys and I helped her with it then picked her back up and put her on the counter. Mom got her work done and as baby T was tired decided to give her some juice and put her down for a nap. I left feeling better than I have in a long time.

The sense of wonder she has and the fascination she has with everything new is just great. I really enjoy watching her learn new things and get excited over new things. It's really cool because everything is new. Her little tantrums are so funny and predictable. She definitely has a mind of her own. She's just the coolest little girl I've ever been around.

I have the feeling that baby T is going to make me regret that I never had children. I suppose I could still have a child but that kinda means that I have to be in a relationship first and I'm not nor is there anyone I'm interested in. I have the feeling that I missed out on a lot but it was my choice not to have a child.

My childhood made me not want to have kids. It took this long for me to get over it and decide I could handle it. It's not to late but it's getting there. I can't say that 60 is really a great time to think about having kids. Lol, of course my mind doesn't think it's 60 but my body knows it is.

Spending that quality time with baby T today made me feel really great and I think we'll go for a walk again tomorrow. I sure didn't have time to feel depressed playing with and being responsible for her. Best day for me this year.