Self esteem, depression and guilt

I said yesterday the purpose of this blog wasn't to make money. Today I noticed all of the self esteem AdSense ads and I know a free method to boost anyone and every ones self esteem.

Before I get to the specific instructions I'll tell you something that will be a subject of a future post. I spent 20 years as a serious alcoholic and had a lot of guilt about a lot of things. Heh, talk about causes of depression.

Anyway, in 1980 I spent a long, long time in alcohol treatment. To bad I wasn't a celebrity I might have gotten away with 4 weeks but I wasn't so I ended up in alcohol treatment for 9 MONTHS. Lol, one of the time my being stubborn caused me a major problem.

Yes, it was court ordered and I wasn't to be released from treatment until all the staff agreed I was likely to stay sober when I got out. Took me 6 months to figure out my way wasn't going to work and to figure out what they wanted me to say and do.

They made a mistake letting me out but I had learned to play the game their way so they finally let me out. They did make me a much better manipulator and it took 7 more years for what they taught me, to sink in. It finally did.

It was also at the same time that I discovered personal responsibility. That it wasn't my fault my mother didn't want me, that it wasn't my fault I was molested and that most things I felt guilty or bad about weren't my fault. But that's another 30 yrs in the future from Fairmont.

Back to self esteem. The following is what taught me and it works. I've taught it to others and it's to simple for most to believe it works. Things can be exceptionally simple and still work very well. If you can write or print it will work for you too. All you have to do is do it.

What I want you to do is write down three things you did or didn't do today that were good things. One line each.

When you have very low self esteem or are very depressed it's hard to think of three things that were good but everyone does good things everyday. Problem is you and I don't give ourselves credit for doing them or not doing them.

It can be as simple as I put the toilet seat down, in my case if nothing else, I didn't have a drink today. I didn't pee my pants, I didn't hit anyone, I didn't lose my temper, I let someone in in traffic, I took the garbage out, I was nice when I didn't want to be, etc. I went to work on time, I donated 1 million dollars to a worth cause and on and on and on.

They don't have to be major things. They can be things you expect yourself to do and you do them daily but never give yourself the credit for doing them. If you really want to see if it works try it for thirty days without telling anyone and then after thirty days ask your friends, wife, girlfriend, etc. if they see any changes in you in the last couple of weeks.

Some days I really struggle with this but I know there are always at least three things I did that were good things. They don't have to be major things. Any little small things are fine. It doesn't matter how small or how large. It just matters that you did it.

Some days just getting out of bed is a good thing. ;) The more you do it the more things you will be able to come up with that you did that were good things. However you must do it everyday.

When you are feeling down go back and read what you have written. It will help you. The only rule is you can only use 1 thing per week. You can't write down that you didn't pee on the floor today for seven days in a row. Nor should you write down the same things every week. Try to find new things everyday that were good.

It's cheap, ya just don't get any cheaper than free. You don't need to spend a ton of money to raise your own self esteem. However you do have to do it daily and you do have to write it down everyday. I spend 5 minutes doing it every night before I go to sleep.

Doing it them gives me a free fringe benefit that also helps me go to sleep because I'm thinking of good things instead of other things.

Give it the 30 day trial and see if you don't feel better about yourself. Yes, it's simple but it does work so give it a shot before you waste any money on supposedly sure fire ways to raise your own self esteem. If your kids have low self esteem it will work for them too. You may have to help them a bit but when you help them write theirs you can write it down as a good thing you did.

It's simple, it's not hard, and it's free. Life just doesn't get much better than that. Give it a try as it will work for you too and raise your self esteem.

A great day today and I feel really good.

I talked with T this morning and she brought the baby out because I hadn't seen her for a few days. Baby T is now 16 months and can almost say my name. It's so cool.

T was in back and I was watching the baby when her husband K came in. He played with baby for a minute and then asked me to watch her as he had to go back to work. Then her mom asked me a bit later if I'd mind keeping her busy while she got her bookkeeping done.

Now this is harder than it sounds because baby T is very spoiled and has quite the temper and tends to scream and cry a lot when she doesn't get her way. I spoil her too so it's not like it's something I didn't know. Her mom and I have discussed it and we both agreed it was getting out of hand and I've only known her for 5-6 weeks and she's worse.

When baby T gets mad at me she goes and stands by the door to the private quarters and stands there and screams. Usually her mom will come and let her in but she knows it's not a good thing because the baby just gets mom to pick her up so she'll be quiet. When she gets mad at mom she'll do the same thing to me.

I'm watching her and moms working and baby T decides she wants to throw dry cheerios all over so I took them away and naturally she had a fit. Mom didn't come to her aid and I let her scream and cry for a bit before I went and got her. She came back and sat by me and we talked for a bit. I have no clue what she was saying but I understood the tone. Every guy understands that tone in a female. She was letting me know she wasn't happy.

Then she decided she wanted to go outside. I picked her up so she could see better but she kept making a motion with her hand that means she wants something. She might not be able to make me understand her words yet but she does make me understand somethings. Her mom was back behind the counter so I told her baby and I were going out to see what her dad was doing.

I put her on my shoulders and she started giggling and off we went to explore the outside world together. She loved it and we went and found dad and he held he for a minute and then back on my shoulders. We walked around the whole area like that and everyone talked to her and she would babble back. She loved it and I thought it was the greatest thing. Then she got heavy so we went back inside. We'd been out for about 30 minutes.

She had a tantrum when I put her down inside and kept trying to force the door open. It was funny because she was really mad and frustrated because she couldn't get out. I tryed to distract her with toys and she threw them all on the floor. Finally got her to sit on the couch quietly and then she wanted the toys and wanted me to get them. I wouldn't so she had another bout. I laughed at her and told her I dealt with a woman 6 foot tall who threw tantrums too so she wasn't impressing me at 30 inches or so of fury.

When she got quiet again I put her back on my shoulders and we went back out for another walk. This time she got to say where she wanted to go and would indicate it to me with her hand motion. So we went and she was perfectly content, sitting on my shoulders quietly talking and ooing amd ahing over everything.

She'd indicate she wanted to go see someone and I'd walk over and she'd talk at them for a minute and then indicate she wanted to go somewhere else. She was fascinated by the butterflies and we followed them for a bit. Then she saw a pine cone so I stooped and picked it up and gave it to her. She examined it for a few minutes and was telling me about it. Then she dropped it and I had to pick it up. Not easy for me with her on my shoulders and it happened twice more so I got tired and we went back in.

Mom was working but about done so I sat her on the counter and she was playing with some paper and a pencil when she decided she wanted to play with the calculator mom was using and I wouldn't let her. She got mad and threw everything on the floor and I just let her get mad. She got over it and indicated she wanted the paper and pen from the floor so I put her down to get it. Oops, another fit.

She then went over by the door and started screaming and crying and m0m and I were laughing. After we had both ignored her she soon quit and came over and wrapped her little arms around me and held on. Naturally I melted and picked her up. Then she wanted the stuff on the floor again so we went thru an instant replay.

When she came back and hugged me again I told her we had to pick up her toys and I helped her with it then picked her back up and put her on the counter. Mom got her work done and as baby T was tired decided to give her some juice and put her down for a nap. I left feeling better than I have in a long time.

The sense of wonder she has and the fascination she has with everything new is just great. I really enjoy watching her learn new things and get excited over new things. It's really cool because everything is new. Her little tantrums are so funny and predictable. She definitely has a mind of her own. She's just the coolest little girl I've ever been around.

I have the feeling that baby T is going to make me regret that I never had children. I suppose I could still have a child but that kinda means that I have to be in a relationship first and I'm not nor is there anyone I'm interested in. I have the feeling that I missed out on a lot but it was my choice not to have a child.

My childhood made me not want to have kids. It took this long for me to get over it and decide I could handle it. It's not to late but it's getting there. I can't say that 60 is really a great time to think about having kids. Lol, of course my mind doesn't think it's 60 but my body knows it is.

Spending that quality time with baby T today made me feel really great and I think we'll go for a walk again tomorrow. I sure didn't have time to feel depressed playing with and being responsible for her. Best day for me this year.