Is violence ever the answer to problems or situations?

If you're one of the few who read this blog from the beginning you know I grew up in a household where personal violence was common. You know I was taught, thru violence, to never lose a fight and to never give up. Win at all costs.

I learned to be stubborn to the point where it's a serious fault now and then. Being that stubborn and having the force of will or strength of mind that I have has also led me to be able to do things that others couldn't. To survive when others couldn't, too take damage in a fight so I could inflict even more damage. Pure stubbornness and force of will.

While I'm not going to go into the reasons for it today, there came a point in my life where I had to choose between being what is now known as a geek or a bad ass. I chose bad ass because I could see no way to survive without being that way. There were two types of people in the world back then, wolves and sheep. Lol, still pretty much that way today.

I couldn't be a sheep just because it's so much against my nature. At the time I didn't know what I do now because I was only 12. However I will admit it took me a very long time to learn and that jail and prison did not help me learn. I eventually figured it out for myself.

I've been shot, stabbed, cut, beaten with bats, pool cues, beer bottles and whatever else was handy, intentionally hit with a car, beaten by groups and had my ass kicked by people one at a time, some things multiple times but I've only been shot once. I stopped counting concussions at 8.

I learned early on that the way to keep violence from happening to you was to be even more violent than the people who would do you violence. If not more violent then more insane or at least appearing more insane. It worked well as most people thought I was totally crazy and pretty much left me alone for fear of what would happen to them if they messed with me.

I walked around like I was 6 feet 2 and 225 pounds and the baddest person around, I seldom lost a fight and it was very seldom I fought someone smaller than I was. It was very hard to hurt me and damn near impossible to make me stop once the fight started. Worse yet, not only did I walk around as if I were that big and bad, I believed it in my own mind.

People were afraid of me, people were afraid of what I might do and I loved it. I've been called intimidating all of my life and I could never quite figure out why. Whether it's the way I carry myself and my body language I don't know. I hear it before I ever open my mouth. After I open my mouth I hear it even more.

The last 18 months worth of chicks I've dated about 75% have said their first thought when they saw me for the first time was, "damn, there's trouble, this guy is dangerous" and I laughed at them. Of course the girls I was dating at the time came from area's where recognizing potential danger or trouble was a survival mechanism.

A long time ago I read this "Yea tho I walk thru the valley of death I shall fear nothing because I'm the meanest SOB in the valley" and I believed it to be true of me. Still do for that matter but we aren't talking Marquis of Queensbury rules here.

So I walked around like I was 6' 2" and 225 pounds, I was crazy and I intimidated the hell out of people without opening my mouth. As I said, I never really understood this because, are you ready for this, I've never been more than 5 feet 6 and 1/2 inches tall and my best fighting weight was around 155 pounds. Real scary huh? ;)

I've always been more comfortable in bad ass places than boring middle and upper class bars. Still am for that matter as I know what to expect and I know how to act. I haven't been in a situation where I was really afraid for so long that I don't remember the last time.

I've always gone where I wanted no matter how dangerous the place was supposed to be. You see, the old thing about it "It's not the size of the man in the fight but the size of the fight in the man" was very true in my case. I had one other advantage and that was the fact that I just didn't care what happened to me. To my discredit I still don't much care.

Alas, I got old and one day one of the girls I was dating remarked on how really small I was. It was all she could talk about for weeks was how small I was and how much I got away with being as small as I was. Finally one day I took a really good look in the mirror and realized she was right. I am pretty damn small. Of course I'd lost 55 pounds in the previous 18 months also but still didn't consider myself small even tho I only weighed in at 107.

I can no longer fight, at least not for more than 30 seconds. Chronic bronchitis and emphysema have pretty much made it impossible yet I haven't changed my attitude or the way I carry myself. I haven't changed where I go nor am I afraid to go there. Lol, no one knows it's the biggest bluff in the world. Someday someone will call me on it and they will get hurt.

Yet I no longer believe violence is the solution to much of anything and for sure the last option, not the first. I used to use violence as a sledge hammer because it was an easy solution but now I believe it should only be used in extreme cases and with surgical precision. It's much more fun to win with your intelligence and to get others to solve the problem for you.

When my ex wife and I were still married my youngest stepson was being picked on in school and as hard as it was for me I never, ever, told him to punch them in the nose and the BS would stop. Instead I taught him things that might stop his being picked on in a non violent way. Talking to the person, telling the teacher, walking away, etc. I tried to teach him to use his mind to solve the situations.

I wanted him to be a better person than I ever was, I wanted him to learn to live a normal life and become somebody he could be proud of. I wanted him to learn to be a peaceful person and to be at peace with himself.

Finally 5 years later, after my wife and I got divorced, I decided the advice I gave him might work for me. It does but I don't always like it and I know violence would stop whatever it is much faster in a lot of cases but I still refrain.

My biggest rule. Do the right thing at all times at all costs. Lol, you can see how that might cause some conflict with both groups. Notice the rule doesn't say anything about the legality of the right thing. What's right isn't always legal and what's wrong isn't always illegal.

Because I lived my life by certain rules I was always considered "to bad" by the good people and "to good" by the bad people I hung around with. Lol, both groups had one thing in common tho, they both believed I was crazy and that was to my advantage.

Bottom line is violence creates as many or more problems than it solves, most of the time. There are people who only understand violence so it's necessary but should still be the last resort.

BTW, I still do what I believe to be right, no matter what.

How does stress affect health and your body

While this is not a free essay on stress and I'm not an expert except for what I know about the effects of stress on my body. Can stress affect a person in a bad way? Stress effects the immune system and stress affects your overall health in ways you may not even know about.

I seldom appear stressed out but instead almost always look calm, cool and collected. That's the outward appearance and it's not true of what's going on inside. I learned a long time ago, around 3rd grade, to hide my stress symptoms from everyone.

I was always being told to sit still, stop wiggling my feet, stay in my seat, etc. So I leaned to wiggle my toes inside of my shoes so no one could see or complain about my movements. I still almost constantly an wiggling my toes.

How does stress affect health? If can cause a lot of different symptoms including tightness of muscles, pain in the neck, headaches, stomach aches and even ulcers and high blood pressure. Stress even effects the immune systems and makes it easier for you to get sick. Dr. told me in my mid 30's that stress is what probably caused my shingles to flair up in my mid 30's. Now there's a painful disease you don't want.

Along with being depressed all of my life I've probably been stressed out all of my life. It's tough not to be when you don't know if you are going to be hit in the next few seconds or totally ignored. BTW, both can cause stress.

Now along with all of my childhood stress I was also diagnosed with ADHD at a later age in my life. For me It doesn't work like the tv add says tho. You know, the one where they say it's like a tv in your mind and the channels are constantly changing. Mine is more like I get a dozen channels at once. I can even focus on one channel most of the time but I'm very aware the others are there and running along.

One of the good side affects of the ADHD is I can multi task better than most people I know and one of the bad is if I don't have all that input at once I get very bored. Another side affect is unless it's totally interesting or challenging I can lose focus very quickly.

I once worked in tech support and could handle about 4 times the call volume of anyone else I worked with. It excited me to be working on 4 or 5 problems with people on the phone, all at the same time. It was simple for me.

As a rule I have 4-5 things I'm always working on at once and they aren't always related. To me that's not stress or ADHD that's just how I am and how much stimulation I need to feel alive.

Of course the stress effects body wise aren't good. Between the stress and the depression I'm assuming that's where a lot of my headaches come from. I've had two ulcers, stomach problems frequently and tend to be very irritable as really stupid people also stress me out.

Stress, ADHD and depression are not a good combination to live with, yet, I've done it for 60 freaking years. When they gave me the Straterra for ADHD it calms some of the symptoms but I hated it because my mind no longer worked a fast as it used to so in the end I quit taking it.

I've had it so long I feel lost without it. Lol, that's not a good thing. I've started meditating daily to calm my mind and relax my body and that seems to help more than the drugs did.

Stress and depression are just two of the things I blame on the way I was raised. However now that I know I have major problmes with it, it becomes my responsibility to deal with it. I'm working at it but it is a slow process.

So I'm depressed, so what and big deal.

I told you all before I don't want your sympathy just because I'm depressed. Except for the first few paragraphs this is going to be a happy post.

Today is the birthday of the bitch who gave birth to me. I'd have had better parents if I'd been raised by a pack of wolves. I never spoke to that woman for the last 15 years of her life and to this day don't feel guilty about it. Never will as it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I put an end to the sexual abuse when I was 14 and I put an end to the physical abuse by my mother that same year and when I was 16 I put an end to the physical abuse by my stepfather. What I could never put an end to was the mental abuse. Turns out the mental abuse had far more serious consequences that the physical abuse or sexual abuse did.

Whatever!

I mentioned before that I hate anti depression drugs and their side effects. I'm no longer as seriously depressed as I was a month ago. My last serious depression I put an end to by getting massages and by learning to just go lay in the sun and do nothing.

Soon I will give up the zoloft. Why? Because when I get to depressed I forget who I am and what I can do with my mind. I'm in a part of the country where it's warm enough I can go lay in the sun for an hour a day and think good thoughts about what I want and where I'm going. That helps me immensly. It's not impossible that I have seasonal affective disorder and that may be why I get so depressed. I do know that the sun helps me feel better and if I can lay in the sun or be in the sun by a lake or pond I feel better.

I've studied the subconcious all of my life because I sincerely believe in the power of the mind. It's made me independent and I have enough so I don't have to work. Not enough so I can live large but enough I can live well enough to keep me happy. I've been able to use my mind to keep everyone of my emotions in check except for anger.

I know what causes anger, I know I make the choice to be angry about somethings and I also know I'm the only one who can change that. Just as you are the only one who can change you.

One girl used to upset me so much and make me forget who I wa so much that I finally made her ringtone the part of the Whitney Houston song I told you about in another post. Why? Because that part of the song reminds me of who I am and what I can do. It makes me remember who I am. I love her dearly but I don't like her much. This is not a contradiction tho as I don;t believe you can choose who you fall in love with.

If I could choose to love someone else I would. Heh, a girl I like proposed to me the other day, for the second time. I said no. I like her and we are friends but I wll never love her. If I could I would but it's just not there. I may end up living with her to see if it develops any further, it might but I doubt it.

Anyway, back to the subconcious mind and what it can do. I'm sure most of you have heard of the placebo effect. It's where people get well even when not being given the drugs they think they are receiving. It's the mind that makes this happen because they believe they have been given drugs that will help them but in reality they received a fake pill or a sugar pill. Scientists use palcebos in double blind studies. Sometimes the placebo works better than the drug. You can do some amazing things with our mind if you believe.

I've been using my mind this way for years and also using it to supress my feelings. That's now changing as I learned somethig the other day that caused me to rethink the way I was using my mind. It's called The Secret but I think it's a stupid name and it's never really been a secret. However watching the videos on youtube caused me to make a couple of changes in my thinking.

Does it work. I'd have to say yes it does. Will it help me not be depressed? Yes it will and I know that. will it do other things for me. Yes, it will and because of what I know about the subconcious from past learning it can and will help anyone. You can find out more about it here This can help you or anyone else so click here to see what its about I can guarantee you will be glad you did but only if you keep an open mind and watch the videos available.

I seldom recommend things to people unless I damn well know they work. For instance I know glucosamine whith chondroiton can help carpal tunnel. It pretty much cured mine and I had it so bad I couldn't pick up a cup of coffee. They wanted to do surgery on me and I wouldn't let them. when I told my cousin about what it did for me she tried it with the same results. Others tried it on our recommendation and it worked for them. Now scientists have proven it works. There are other things but you get the idea. If I didn't think it worked I wouldn't bother to mention it.

Another thing that can help mood is omega 3 fatty acids. Fish oil capsules are the best way to take it as it's really awful tasting crap but there is scientific evidence that it does cause people to feel better about themselves and be happier. Lol, I'll have to start taking it again too. When I get to depressed I forget everything I know about getting over it and seem to wallow in it for a while. Then I finally remember and start to get better.

I forget the other one that works but I'll remember it today sometime. All I can remember about it at the moment is they give it to pregnant women because it helps the fetus to develop but once again it was scientifically proven to work.

Learn to use your own mind to get what you want. Doesn't matter what it is you can have it if you believe you can. I don't believe I can, I KNOW I can. I can already tell a difference in my mood and my depression is much less and that's a good thing.

Due to the videos I watched I'm changing my daily routine and I don;t expect to be depressed much longer and I don't ever expect to be depressed again in the future. That's if I can make it a habit and don't just forget to do it.

Tomorrow I'll tell you something that can boost selfesteem and it too is so very simple no one believes it works.