Church, pool halls and my mother

Somewhere along the way my mother decided my problem was I needed to go to church more often. The family seldom went to church due to massive hangovers on Sunday mornings. Lol, if it was planned to go I might sneak into my parents room and set the clocks ahead so when they woke up they'd think it was to late.

I didn't like church. It was long, boring and full of hypocrites.Still is as near as I can tell. Of course I haven't been there in a while but I meet a lot of people who say they are religous. Same old hypocritical crap from them that I'd see in church.

Love thy neighbor but not that one, she's a loose woman, not that one because he drinks to much, not that one because .....judgemental, petty and nothing like God or Jesus instructed people to be. Lol, I don't happen to believe in a god and I'm better at doing what the bible teachs than most who go to church. That's pathetic.

Anyway, my mother decided church was going to save me so the 4 of us started going to church. After we'd lived in LeMars for a few months I discovered that the guy who owned the pool room and chicken restaurant needed someone to run the pool room on Sunday morning while he was at church. Lol, he was a good Catholic don't ya know. I think the only time he was ever sober was Sunday morning.

So we'd all head off to church together and I'd tell my mother I was going to wait for one of my friends, outside and then after church we ware going to his house. As soon as they got in the door I'd run for the pool hall and open it up. Didn't pay much but I did get to shoot pool the rest of the week for free and got a discount on all food and pop plus I made about 2 bucks.

I had that job for about 4-5 months before my mother realized I wasn't ever in church. Lol, got beat again for skipping out on church. She was really pissed because she'd bought me a new suit and we'd argued forever over what it was going to look like. She wanted me to have a conservative navy blue and I wanted the one with the red suit jacket and black pants. Also got an extra pair of gray pants with it.

I've hated to wear a suit or tie since I was a little kid. Can't wear a tie at all nor a turtle neck because that little pressure on my throat makes me feel like I'm being choked. Reminds me to much of things that happened to me. Whatever. I did get the suit with the ed jacket tho.
I had the pimpiest suit jacket in town. There wasn't anything conservative about it at all. I thought it was cool. My mother hated it. I was happy with that.

Then one day she decided that my sister and I needed to be baptized. Argh. Not something I cared about back then and besides, at my age, 13, it was embarrassing. Jesus may have said suffer the little children unto me but my mothers idea for me was that children ought to suffer.
I had no use for a god that would let happen to children, the things that were done to me. All merciful my ass, the only one that needed mercy was my mother and I hope after she died she got exactly what she deserved. If she did it sure wasn't mercy.

So I ended up going to church and getting baptized. I also had to go to the damn confirmation class every Saturday morning. That was just another thing I didn't care about. The minister used to bother me by making me stay awake, asking me silly questions, etc.

I got back at him the same way I get at other religous idiots. I asked him questions I knew he couldn't answer directly and I refused to accept the fact that I had to have faith to understand. What I understood was that I was supposed to believe something just because adults told me it wa so.

These are the exact same adults that told me about the Easter bunny, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, etc. These are the same adults who beat me, molested me or allowed it to happen. Why would any sane person believe anything any of these people said about some god who was supposed to love us all.

If he loved me so damn much where was he when I was very young? Nowhere that I could see. Nowhere that I could be convinced he even existed.

Anyway, I got confirmed and then never went to church again for years. Still never go to church unless it's for a wedding or funeral or I have a girlfriend that decides I have to go and I care enough about her to make the effort.

Funny how they fall under the rule of say what you mean and do what you say. Actions speak louder than words and saying how religous you are with out the actions to back it up just means you are a hypocrite and a liar. I don't, as a rule associate with liars or others who don't do what they say so church is not a big thing in my reality.

Thieves, cheats, liars and depression

I should have posted this before and I forgot. Between the beatings, the molestation, taking care of my sister and hiding from adults I also learned to lie, cheat and steal. I said I was old before my time and responsibility will to that to ya.

However I learned lying, cheating and stealing from adults. I might have stayed out of adults way as much as possible when I was a kid but I was always watching them and what they did. How they did it and who they did it to.

When my sister was old enough we'd get drug along to the bars sometimes and for sure if we stayed at my cousins at the lake for the weekend. I loved being in the bars. Good thing I did as everyone of my fathers generation, that I knew, was an alcoholic.

Funny but all the alcoholics I knew back then treated me better than my own parents. That didn't take much tho. None of them hit me, hurt me, called me names or molested me. Most were very nice to me and paid some attention to me.

Perhaps that's why I'm more comfortable in a bar today than I am anywhere else except at home. I seldom go into a bar anymore tho as I'm an alcoholic too. Wow, imagine that. I wonder how that happened. Lol, I don't abuse kids, I don't molest kids, I don't hit women but I didn't manage to avoid the alcoholic thing.

Considering I was raised my alcoholic, considering my mother put beer in my baby bottle when I was just a few weeks old and considering I got drunk on my own for the first time when I was 8 it's not to real surprising I turned out to be an alcoholic too.

Even tho the drunks treated me better than my parents they still lied, cheated and stole from each other. Almost all of them would talk about anything in front of me like I was to little or dumb to understand it. Not only did I understand it I could put 2 and 2 together and get 4. I was a watcher back then and I still have the habit now. Partly because of my upbringing and partly because of enemies I've made I won't sit anywhere that I don't have a commanding view of the room. Lol, it ain't paranoid if it's true. ;)

Even at my young age I stole a lot of money from drunken adults. Heh, they just figured they spent it anyway. I shoplifted comic books by the ton and candy. I steal a case of pop bottles from behind the bar and take them in the front door and get my refunds for them.

It was one way to make sure my sister and I didn't go hungry but even after I had enough to make sure that didn't happen I kept it up as I loved the thrill of being able to get over on adults. To say the least, it was exciting.

I could lie with the best of them and I was a pretty fair card cheat for years. Games and manipulation came to be second nature to me and I can play them better than most people. As I got older studying psychology and marketing just made me better at it, as did going to alcohol treatment.

So, by the time we moved to Sioux City I could lie, cheat, steal and manipulate with the best of them. Lol, while no one could make me cry I could cry on cue whenever I needed to. Kids crying is a great way to manipulate adults. It's also a great way for women to manipulate guys. Doesn't work all that well on me tho.

From the time we moved to Sioux City, while part of my life had gotten better, it was all downhill from there. My mother worked days and my grandmother watched my sister so I got to run the streets and run them I did. It was some of the greatest freedom I ever had. Me, loose in the biggest city I'd ever seen.

I don't remember being to unhappy there, school was boring but I was a year ahead of them, MN schools were way better than IA schools back in those days. I got to be an expert on both by the time I was 14. Back to the subject tho, running the streets at that age was one of the best times I ever had.

I still have a fondness for the place even tho later on in life some bad things happened to me there. I was quite successful at being a thief and never got caught for years.

I find it more than a bit amusing that some things I've posted no one knows anymore but me and the two other people who read this blog. ;) I was always told I should write my life story and that's probably what this will turn into. Lol, just wait until I discover sex in a few years. That made me forget all of my depression and it still can.