Pissed off about ignorance and stupidity.

I'm probably depressed today, as usual, but I'm to pissed off about something else to pay any attention to being depressed. At least pissed off is something I know how to use and I'm going to use it here. This is going to probably just turn into one long rant and I don't care.

A lady of 25 asked me to go to a couple of places with her next week and I said sure, no problem. Then I asked her why she wanted me to go along as it wasn't anything she couldn't handle herself. She explained it to me and after she did I really wanted to go. She couldn't keep me away with a gun.

If you read this blog at all you know I think I'm good at manipulation and I love little scams that help people with things they really shouldn't need help with through no fault of their own.

This lady is very pretty, poised, self confident, intelligent and very capable of accomplishing whatever she sets her mind to. She's petite, a size 1 and she's a 10 in my book. That's why I really had to ask her why she wanted me to go along.

Since we had our talk today I've been thinking about it and why it's necessary, because the reason, to me, is so stupid it shouldn't even exist. I've seen it before, I've been thru it with others and I'll probably see and go through more of it.

This has nothing at all to do with my age even tho I'm 60. MOF my age is going to work to our advantage when I go with her next week. Lol, in more ways than one. Oh well, at least I understand the stupid inferences people make and can use them against them. See, there are a few good things about getting older.

No, I'm not going to go against anything I believe nor am I going to lie, cheat or steal to accomplish our ends. I'm going to do it by telling the 100% absolute truth at all times. So is she. Isn't semantics a wonderful thing? It's why lawyers ask so many damn stupid questions. What's said, what's implied and what people infer from that are all 3 different things.

What people infer from words is why it takes a lawyer 10 pages to write up a simple contract. Even parents learn to question their kids in exact ways so there isn't any wiggle room in the answer because they have learned their kids will manipulate them by what the parents infer.

Words have meanings and the way we use those words has meaning but not always the meaning of the word. I really hate it when people want to play that game with me and I won't have people close to me who play that crap with me.

I believe in doing the right thing, whether it's legal or illegal. While I don't like semantics games I'm not evolved enough to resist using them when it accomplishes the right thing. In essence it's really marketing. So we are going to go off and do some marketing.

Marketing in both ways with what we are going to do. Still pisses me off that we have to do it but not doing it would piss me off even more. I really hate ignorance and stupidity with a passion so I think it's going to be fun.

Now I'm not an expert in marketing but I've read enough about it and even made a bit of money doing it but the reason I'm going with her is totally marketing her business. She's smart enough to do it her self, pretty enough to flirt her way into a lot of things but not this. She can't overcome the ignorance in this case and that's what pisses me off about it, so much.

So if she's so smart, pretty, young and capable what does she need an old man like me for? Because I'm something she's not. I'll give you the answer in a couple of sentences and if what's happening to this young woman doesn't piss you off then you are among the ignorant and stupid and I hope you go away and never come back.

So what is it that I am and she's not?

I'm Caucasian.

Thieves, cheats, liars and depression

I should have posted this before and I forgot. Between the beatings, the molestation, taking care of my sister and hiding from adults I also learned to lie, cheat and steal. I said I was old before my time and responsibility will to that to ya.

However I learned lying, cheating and stealing from adults. I might have stayed out of adults way as much as possible when I was a kid but I was always watching them and what they did. How they did it and who they did it to.

When my sister was old enough we'd get drug along to the bars sometimes and for sure if we stayed at my cousins at the lake for the weekend. I loved being in the bars. Good thing I did as everyone of my fathers generation, that I knew, was an alcoholic.

Funny but all the alcoholics I knew back then treated me better than my own parents. That didn't take much tho. None of them hit me, hurt me, called me names or molested me. Most were very nice to me and paid some attention to me.

Perhaps that's why I'm more comfortable in a bar today than I am anywhere else except at home. I seldom go into a bar anymore tho as I'm an alcoholic too. Wow, imagine that. I wonder how that happened. Lol, I don't abuse kids, I don't molest kids, I don't hit women but I didn't manage to avoid the alcoholic thing.

Considering I was raised my alcoholic, considering my mother put beer in my baby bottle when I was just a few weeks old and considering I got drunk on my own for the first time when I was 8 it's not to real surprising I turned out to be an alcoholic too.

Even tho the drunks treated me better than my parents they still lied, cheated and stole from each other. Almost all of them would talk about anything in front of me like I was to little or dumb to understand it. Not only did I understand it I could put 2 and 2 together and get 4. I was a watcher back then and I still have the habit now. Partly because of my upbringing and partly because of enemies I've made I won't sit anywhere that I don't have a commanding view of the room. Lol, it ain't paranoid if it's true. ;)

Even at my young age I stole a lot of money from drunken adults. Heh, they just figured they spent it anyway. I shoplifted comic books by the ton and candy. I steal a case of pop bottles from behind the bar and take them in the front door and get my refunds for them.

It was one way to make sure my sister and I didn't go hungry but even after I had enough to make sure that didn't happen I kept it up as I loved the thrill of being able to get over on adults. To say the least, it was exciting.

I could lie with the best of them and I was a pretty fair card cheat for years. Games and manipulation came to be second nature to me and I can play them better than most people. As I got older studying psychology and marketing just made me better at it, as did going to alcohol treatment.

So, by the time we moved to Sioux City I could lie, cheat, steal and manipulate with the best of them. Lol, while no one could make me cry I could cry on cue whenever I needed to. Kids crying is a great way to manipulate adults. It's also a great way for women to manipulate guys. Doesn't work all that well on me tho.

From the time we moved to Sioux City, while part of my life had gotten better, it was all downhill from there. My mother worked days and my grandmother watched my sister so I got to run the streets and run them I did. It was some of the greatest freedom I ever had. Me, loose in the biggest city I'd ever seen.

I don't remember being to unhappy there, school was boring but I was a year ahead of them, MN schools were way better than IA schools back in those days. I got to be an expert on both by the time I was 14. Back to the subject tho, running the streets at that age was one of the best times I ever had.

I still have a fondness for the place even tho later on in life some bad things happened to me there. I was quite successful at being a thief and never got caught for years.

I find it more than a bit amusing that some things I've posted no one knows anymore but me and the two other people who read this blog. ;) I was always told I should write my life story and that's probably what this will turn into. Lol, just wait until I discover sex in a few years. That made me forget all of my depression and it still can.

Closing chapters of my life and making it better.

I made a decision a couple of weeks ago to put an end to some more of the BS in my life. It's all related to relationships, my extreme irritabilty and wanting better things than I've been attracting into my life.

I've been messing around with one girl for 18 months now. We didn't work as lovers and a couple, we didn't work being apart and we sure as hell aren't working as friends. While I love this girl dearly I have a major problem. I may love her but I sure don't like her much at all.

So tomorrow I'm going to take some pictures of me being in town. It's her birthday and I made a web page for her as a surprise. She doesn't know I'm in town and won't know until tomorrow at noon, if she goes to look at the page.

We no longer see each other, we no longer speak on the phone and all we have left is email. Lol, we still manage to fight like a married couple. She isn't honest with me or reliable and those are two things I demand from everyone I let come into my reality. She likes to play semantics and manipulation games and I am no longer going to do that with her either.

Well, after I put her page up tomorrow I am done with her. She doesn't meet my minimum expectations for a close friend nor even for a distant friend. So no matter how much I love her she is about to have her chapter in my book of life come to a close.

On IBCynical I wrote a piece on what I want in a woman. You can read it here if you are interested. What I want in a woman or girl for a dating or lifetime relationship she doesn't meet even the minimum requirements anymore and I'm not going to have the hassles with her and the drama in my life anymore so she's done unless she decides to do the things she told me she would do and gets a whole lot more honest and reliable with me.

When I leave here I'm going to Milwaukee to close another chapter. Funny, I like the chick in Milwaukee quite a bit but I don't love her at all. She's gotten really flaky over the last month and I'm going to go discuss it with her in person and if she doesn't get back to being honest she is gone too.

Dealing with both of these girls is depressing and puts me in a negative mood most of the time. I want people in my reality who care enough about me to be honest, reliable, trustworthy and who do what they say they will do. So I am cleaning up my life, the things that cause the most stress are being dealt with and the things that cause the most depression are going.

I am responsible for what I allow into my private reality and what I have been allowing is part of the problem. No more. I'm taking control of my life back and going to be proactive about it rather than reactive.

I should have learned this lesson 13 years before my so called mother died. Everytime she and I talked I'd go get drunk for a week. One day I realized the fact that it was my reaction to her causing the problem so I flat out quit talking to her. Told her when she apologized for all the crap she did to me I'd speak to her again. She never did and she died with our wither of us ever talking again. The really sad part of this is it didn't bother me at all and my life got better when I quit talking to her.

I view these two chicks the same way. When I finally put them out of my life and stop dealing with all the crap they cause me, my life will be better. I should have done it long ago with the Milwaukee chick and when the other one that I love called me 6 months after I quit talking to her the first time I should have hung up instead of listening to her apology and going thru another 6 months of BS with her.

Enough is enough and sometimes enough is way to much. I am done with them and that's how that's going to be. I am responsible for my life and what I do. This is going to make my life better, happier, calmer and that's a good thing.