Bored to death and glad to move back to IA

We didn't spend a lot of time in MN this time but it was about as much boredom as I could handle. The more I think about it the more I really didn't like that town, still don't as far as that goes.

We moved back to Sioux City, same stupid low income apts and right next to my grandparents apt building. The kids I knew had moved but some different ones had moved in. I knew the area so it was cool. I could run wild again and do what ever I wanted to do.

Lol, the first thing I did was go across the street for donuts. I pigged out on them, again, for about a month. Damn donut machine still fascinated me too.

Once again I was way ahead in school so that was boring. I was still getting beat by my mother and occassionally by my stepfather but nothing I couldn't handle. Had a few fights with kids at school because I was the new kid, again. I kicked ass tho and wasn't afraid of anyone or anything so most people left me alone.

Teachers were happy because I'd sit in back and be quiet and read. I pretty much did whatever I wanted in school and once again my mother wouldn't let me skip a grade. I couldn't wait until I was 16 and could put a stop to the school stupidity.

By then I knew I was never going to be happy in school. It was to easy for me and I couldn't and wouldn't fit the mold they tried to make me fit into. I may have said this before but it's still a cool quote and I still feel the same way today. "You laugh at me because I'm different but I laugh at you because you are all the same."

I've never been a leader even tho I'm out in front most of the time. I've never, ever been a follower because followers are sheep. I go my own way and do my own thing and if others don't like it that's just to bad.

I don't take orders well, never have and never will. Asking me will work much better than telling me. I suppose that's why I've worked for myself as much as I've worked for others. Stupidity drives me crazy, mentally slow people drive me crazy, people who can't make decisions drive me crazy. Lol, yeah, I know, it's a short trip.

I knew practically every foot of Sioux City within two miles of where I lived. I knew every hidey hole, dead end and ways to get from one place to another without being seen. I still have the same habit when I move someplace. I'll drive all the roads in the town and in the surrounding area. I seldom go the same way twice to get anywhere.

I don't mind getting lost but consider it just another unplanned exploring experience. Lol, I've had more than a few of those. You do find some interesting things that way tho. Some times more interesting than I want but I can and could deal with it.

So we live back in Sioux City and I'm marginally content. Only because I'm pretty much unsupervised for 12 hours a day or more.

Lots of people in my life have told me I'm spoiled but what they don't get and never will get is I'm the one who spoiled me. I did what I wanted, when I wanted and where I wanted and had no fear of the consequences. What? They gonna beat me more, pffft, who cared. Gonna beat me to death. Damn, I was hoping they would.

I know the older I got the harder I was to deal with because I just didn't give a damn what happened. By now I was beyond anyones help. Not that anyone cared. Parents were to busy drinking to worry about me unless I got into trouble somewhere. Then I'd get beat. Big deal.

I've done pretty much what ever I felt like doing and still do as long as I think it's the right thing to do. Heh, yes, I'm the one who gets to decide if it's the right thing. As long as it doesn't violate my rules it's cool. Consequences? Bah, doesn't matter as long as I feel I was doing the right thing. That's a subject for another day tho.

Nothing much exciting happened living there this time. Only two things I can remember and I'll tell you about them tomorrow or the next day.

Schools, intelligence and depression

While I was beaten and molsted all of the summer before I stared school so I couldn't wait to start school. If nothing else it was going to get me out of the house and to a place where I wouldn't be hurt. Life was going to be better going to school than it was going to be at home.

Guess what? School had a major problem with me. The way I'd been raised and was being raised none of their rules scared me. Besides, it was kindergarten so what could go wrong. Lol, everything could go wrong. While I wasn't truly disruptive I was the toughest kid in my grade and also one of the smallest.

Then they discovered another bad thing. Not only was I the toughest, I was also the smartest. To be honest with you I don't believe being labeled smart is a good thing. My brain never quite worked the way other peoples did and I didn't see things the same way other kids did. To put it simply, I didn't quite fit the mold the school had nor was I like the other kids.

Don't get me wrong, I liked going to school but I was radically different. I spent 58 years wondering what made me so different from other people. Why I could see things they couldn't and why I couldn't make them understand.

To digress a bit here, I finally found out last year why I was different, why I had/have no patience with people. I've had a lot of court ordered personality tests and when the net came along I took a few on the net too. One day I stumbled across this place http://keirsey.com/ and they have a test which will tell you what type of temperment or persnality you have.

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. " —Henry David Thoreau

Not only don't I hear the same drummer as everyone else I don't even come close to hearing the same band and very, very few hear the drummer I hear. I discovered that being intelligent wasn't my only problem but this explained it to me. http://keirsey.com/personality/ntij.html Unfortunately for me less han 1 in 100 people have these same traits.

I can not only see plan A in it's entirety, at the same time I can also see most of the permutations of plan A and at the same time see plan B, C and D. Some of this is done with intuition and some of it is done with knowledge. To put it simply I an see a master plan and all the backup plans and possibilities very easily. I almost always have a plan and a backup and a bckup for the backup. They just spring full blown, into my mind.

The problem with that is it's very difficult for me to explain to other people how I arrive at the conclusions I do or to even justify, in a way they can understand, what I do. People almost always laugh at me because I'm different but what they don't realize is I'm laughing at them because they are all the same.

Once again, a shrink told me I was on the outside looking in and wanting in and I took exception to that. To me the people on the inside were/are locked in and behind walls and I was outside of their walls and free to go in any direction I wanted to go. They were in societies version of prison because they all conformed. Sheep!

Anyway, school discovered that I was very smart. with all of heir stupid tests they determined that I had an IQ of 140. Argh, now they had high expectations because I was 5 points over genius level on their charts. I suspect I'd be much happier if I was less smart and my brain couldn't do the things it can do in problem solving or seeing solutions or being able to make decisions.

That was also very depressing and I suspect is part of what causes my depression now. Still no one understands me and I seldom take the time to explain anymore.