Surreal life to some but it's all true and depressing

Lol, it wasn't surreal to me, it was just life. Daily life at that. I couldn't begin to put down everything that happened or that was done to me or the times I was left alone with a baby I wasn't capable of caring for at the age of 3 or 4. So many oddities and weird things have happened to me that I coined a word for them . Weirdities.

By the time of the bus depot in Fairmont I'd been molested over 100 times. Boring to put it all down over and over and over again. The physical beatings didn't bother me after the belt incident. The emotional abandonment and the damage that caused was worse. Still messes up my relationships.

What really pisses me off about that is I know it and yet I keep doing the same things. Many times. Over and over. Fits the definition of insane. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

I have a huge fear of abandonment and I deal with it by not letting anyone get close to me or not letting myself get emotionally involved. If they get to close I do something to push them away. Considering I date chicks with the same problems it makes for some intense but stormy relationships that don't last long.

Just this last two weeks I was dating two different women. Both older than my usual 20 somethings as I wanted to see if it was me or the younger chicks I was dating. One was 40 and one was 54. Liz, 54, was so emotionally needy and clingy that I couldn't deal with it at all. She tried to give me several things the very first meeting. A blanket, a CD and a picture. I saw her twice just to make sure it wasn't first time jitters. The second time she tried to give me more stuff and just wouldn't let go off me or stay off of me.

Liz is a nice lady, just so desperate for someone, anyone, to care about her that she pushes everyone away with her neediness. I can't do needy at all. Feels like I'm being bought with gifts.

Actually reminds me of my mother and what she used to try to do after she'd beat me so badly. Then she hold me and ask me if I wanted to go to a movie, get some Coke or Pepsi, get some candy, go to the lake, etc. IOW trying to buy me off for beating me. You just can't buy me with anything. Not even sex.

The second chick is Char. Greedy, grasping and manipulative. Naturally Char attracted me more because she didn't need me. However she didn't last long. 4 dates and 3 times hanging out at my place. Char wanted all of the perks of being a girlfriend or wife without giving anything back.

One of those people who think that everything they have is theirs and everything you have is theirs too. Plus those types of people have the audacity to get pissed when you assert yourself and let them know that what's mine is going to stay mine unless we are boyfriend and girlfriend.


When you are at my place I'll share almost anything I have with you. However I won't give you things to take with you to share with and impress your friends. Bummer, she didn't like that. Char thought because I'm older and nice I was also stupid and weak. She also thinks she's a great scammer.

She was wrong on all counts. I can predict her behavior with 100% accuracy. So I played with her for a week until I got bored and tired of it. Lol, she actually tried to teach me a lesson by staying out all night and when she called the next morning I told her all of her stuff was in my backseat and to come and get it. Checkmate, you lose. Bummer. Bye.

Funny thing is for as smart as Char is about manipulating people I told her exactly what she needed to do if she wanted me to get attached to her and emotionally involved. She couldn't do it, not even to get the things she wanted.

It's a long story but I've only met one female who was smart enough to play me, get everything she wanted and yet never ask for a thing. She was so good at it that it took me a couple of months to figure it out. Even then it would have never come together but she asked me a question one day.

She always shut her phone off when she was with me. Always. Naturally I noticed that she wasn't always on the phone but I thought it was just a coincidence or she had told her friends not to call. I never mentioned it so one day she asked me if I'd noticed she never got calls.

Told her yes and then she explained that she knew it made me feel good to be the complete focus of her attention. That she had learned from another chick that it drives me crazy to be with someone and have them be on the phone constantly with someone else. She had also learned that asking me for things wasn't likely to get her those things.

Guess what. Now when I want a chick I make a big show of turning off my phone so we aren't interrupted. Funny but I don't get enough calls anymore to worry about it but it makes them feel really important and chicks like that. I never, ever mention it but I make sure she sees me shut it off.

So she paid lots of attention to me, held my hand driving, in stores, out her arm around me and walked, etc. Would cuddle with me watching TV and in bed. When she saw something she wanted when we were shopping she'd casually mention that she liked it or wished she could afford it, etc. She spent her own money on necessities for herself and never asked me to pay for any of it.

Can you believe that when I knew she liked something I'd wait a few days and then get it for her and give it to her. Lol, got lots of hugs and affection for that. Even after I knew what she was doing I didn't stop. She was just that good and I craved the attention and the praise. She made me feel like she really cared about me and maybe she did. I don't know.

I still like her, she still likes me but she's not in my call list and she doesn't have my number. Haven't talked to her since February. I miss her but she's dangerous to my emotions so I don't want to get any closer to her than I was. Besides, I'm waiting patiently for Trish to come to her senses. Playing with others but still waiting.

Freaking Trish made me vulnerable again, made me want to live, made me want to have a future with her and made me have emotions again. Given our history I know exactly what will happen. Given the rules I live by I know exactly what I'll do.

Trish will eventually decide she can't dominate me and will eventually contact me and be very reliable. However she will wait to long and I'll be emotionally involved with someone else and I won't drop the one I'm with and go to her. No matter how much I want her and want to be with her it wouldn't be the right thing to do.

Then Trish will try even harder and eventually it will cause me problems with whoever I'm involved with and I'll end up leaving her. Then Trish and I will get together for a while until she decides shes the dominate one, again, and we'll end up back where we are now. Emotionally stupidity at it's finest.

I really dislike emotions because they make me indecisive, foolish, angry, needy and I act just like normal people because of them. They make me stupid and out of control. I hate that.

Anyway, my life doesn't seem surreal to me, it's just how it was. Weird things have happened in my life and yet I've never seen them as weird. Everyone else does but I see them as absolutely normal. Now when I get involved with someone I warn them upfront that weird stuff happens when I'm around.

Lol, keep reading this and you'll eventually see what I mean.

More stealing at the bus depot

So now we knew that stealing more money was going to be a bigger problem than we thought. Naturally I hatched a plan to get around the problem.

It involved my friend going in and looking in the desk drawers for the key to the filing cabinet. We even went to a store and found one exactly like it so we knew what the key looked like.

Once again it took a few visits to the bus depot to get the opportunity to hit the office without getting caught. The time came and my friend went in and looked all over the place but couldn't find any keys for the filing cabinet.

Bah, life sucked. Somedays that's just the way it goes. We discussed it and several different things we could do but none of them wee really good because they all left traces. Breaking it open wasn't an option, stealing the whole thing wasn't an option. Anything but the key would attract to much attention.

We both figured he was carrying the key around on his key chain but how to get it was the problem. Lol, in retrospect we probably could have stolen the key to the filing cabinets we found that were the same and it probably would have worked but we never thought of that.

He wasn't locking the office door anymore, just pulling it shut so getting in wasn't a problem. we just needed the damn key. Then we got a stroke of luck one day.

His daughter, who was about 2 or so came wandering out of his office one day with a set of keys. She'd seen us around playing the pinball machines enough so she wasn't afraid of us and knew us by sight.

My friend and I could both see the key we wanted on the key chain. Now it was just getting it from her without upsetting her or causing a scene. She came over by us and I picked her up to watch the balls in the machine. She liked to do that and I knew it. Went and got her a chair to stand on.

Soon she was so engrossed in watching the lights, balls and flippers she put the keys down. My friend grabbed them up and she never noticed. So we switched places and I played while he went into the office and opened the file cabinet. That's all he did was unlock it.

We wanted to wait for the boss to leave before we did anything else and we also figured he'd never notice it wasn't locked. He eventually came back and we were both playing the machine with his daughter still standing on the chair watching.

I even had the balls to give him back his keys. Told him she had been playing with them and left them on the floor so I picked them up in case they were important. He thanked me and said she had a bad habit of taking them out of his jacket pocket and playing with them.

Voila, just like that we knew where to look for the keys the next time we were alone there. After he left my friend went in and grabbed a package of 10's and we were in hog heaven. He was amazed at all the money in the cabinet. We left and split the money and I instructed him not to show off with the money.

Always keep a low profile. Always! High profile will get you caught or draw attention and that's not what I wanted at all. For the most part I was above suspicion and I wanted to keep it that way. Don't change your lifestyle, at least not where people can see it.

Life was good and we were back in the money.