Sociopath, me? Nah, could never happen, to depressed.

I was going to put at reply to the comment on my last post but this will be even better as it gives me more room. Heh, a court appointed shrink once told the judge I had sociopathic tendencies but I wasn't a sociopath.

Lol, I also have a certificate somewhere that says I'm sane. Yeah, ya have to get committed to the funny farm to get one of those. 30 days for observation. Great story there but that's another 12 years in the future too.

Heh, I'm probably one of few people that has legal testimony as proof to not being sociopathic or insane.

Dangerous is a bit of a different story. Back when I was younger until I turned 40 or so I was quite dangerous and bad tempered. I thought I was 6 ft 2 inches and 225 pounds instead of my 5 foot 7 and 160 pounds and I acted as if I owned the world.

In my defense I will say that I seldom started a fight but I sure finished a lot of them. However it didn't take to much of an insult to get me to fight back then. I didn't care if there was one or five, I'd fight. I haven't been in a fight for 8 years now. At least not physically.

Believe it or not most people think of me as intimidating. Enough people have told me that so often that I believe other people see me that way but I don't understand why. I still hear it and I'm down to 5 ft 6 and i/2 inches and 112 pounds. Damn emphysema.

The shrink who said I wasn't a sociopath but had some tendencies just didn't get it. Lol, not all shrinks are created equal. He couldn't understand why I thought it was okay to hurt people who hurt me. He didn't get it that if you physically hurt my sister I was going to kick some serious ass. He didn't get it that if you hurt my girlfriend I was going to kick some serious ass. He didn't get it that if you called them bad names I was going to kick some ass.

Hit a woman in front of me I'm going to hurt you, hit a child in front of me I'm going to hurt you. Rape my wife, sister, daughter or girlfriend I'm going to hunt you down and save the state some money. Molest my grandchildren or my girlfriends kids I'm going to hunt you down.

Those things haven't changed since I talked to that shrink. They won't change until after I'm dead and not then if I can help it. Yeah, I was dangerous big time back then. Still a bit dangerous now but freaking emphysema pretty much put an end to fighting. Now it's got to be over in 45 seconds max or I'm screwed. ;)


I also discovered it's much more fun to use your mind instead of your physical body. No, not hacking or identity theft or any of that crap. Just plain old manipulation and knowing peoples tendencies.

Example. Two years ago I manipulated a guy into jail by using his own tendencies against him. His wife had let me know he was hitting her and his twin daughters again. I'd stopped it 15 years earlier by beating him severely and telling him the next time would be worse.

She wanted a divorce too but was afraid to get it or file the papers. I had her go to court and get a restraining order as I knew he'd fight it. While they were both in court she had him served with divorce papers in the court room right after she got the restraining order.

The restraining order was issued by a judge who didn't put up with any knd of BS in that regard. I knew the guy would do nothing in court, I knew he wouldn't do anything while he was escorted to get his personal things from their house. I knew he would go get drunk and show up at the house after he did, thus violating the restraining order.

About 1:30 in the morning he showed up at their house and wanted in. So my friend unlocked the door and when she did he shoved it open and hit her. The she nailed him with the stun gun I gave her and it was all over with. Except for the fact that I had to stop her from using the stun gun after the first couple of times, all went as planned. Yes, I was there to protect her if things didn't go as planned.

The cops arrested him for assault and battery, resisting arrest, violating the restraining order and a few other minor charges. The judge sentenced him to 6 months in jail. He lost his job and life as he knew it changed greatly, my friend and her daughters moved to another city where they are safe and as far as I know he hasn't found them yet.

Now that was more fun and more satisfying than a physical fight. I never, ever believed in getting even either. I believed in getting ahead. Way ahead. I believed the way to keep people from hurting you was to hurt them so bad the first time they did it so that they'd never think of messing with me or mine again.

Lol, one shrink told me I had an inappropriate response mechanism. So I had to ask what he meant. He said if someone hits you instead of hitting back you just nuke them. I said yep, keeps them from doing it again, ain't that the whole idea of a fight. In the circles I was hanging out in at the time it was the only way to survive.

Never a sociopath tho as I had feelings. I managed to suppress them quite well, from the time my mother beat me until I stopped crying, until I met one girl who reawakened feelings I'd forgotten I could have. I was pretty well successful at keeping them at bay for damn near 50 years.

She and I broke up 17 months ago and I'm just barely back to being able to suppress most of them most of the time. Damn woman made me fall in love, want to have a child with her and made me care about myself and the future.


My depression is getting better and I'm getting back to my tough minded self again. Getting all that stuff back in the boxes it was hidden away in, in my mind, was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Keeping it stuffed in them is also harder than it used to be.

So, no, not near as dangerous as I used to be but don't try to rob me or car jack me and when I hit the nursing home don't try taking my wheelchair either. I'll always be badass enough that those things aren't going to happen without someone getting seriously hurt and I don't expect it to be me.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but do it twice as much. While I no longer believe violence is the way to solve problems, I do understand that there are people who only understand violence. I do understand that there are some truly bad or evil people in the world.

Yeah, I know, I should go talk to someone about all of this crap I suppressed but at a couple of hours a week it would take forever and cost a damn fortune. Few shrinks I've met that were smart enough to be able to help me and none I trusted enough to talk to, at least not seriously. Heh, writing this blog is enough talking to make me realize a lot of different things.

So, nope, not a sociopath and not a danger to normal people. I've done a lot of stupid things but hurting innocent people was never one of them. All of this will become more clear as I continue to age in my life story. Sheesh, at least I hope it will. ;)