Finally, some women and drama to relieve my stress

Heh, went out with a new girl today. Well, woman anyway, as she's 40. Still a girl to me but hey. We were just hanging out, watching some tv, drinking some wine, playing on the net and in general chillin.

Nothing major. This girl and I will never have a relationship. She's fun and has a quick mind but she's way to much work. Mentally. Besides, she's just using me to make her boyfriend jealous and I know that.

Anyway we're just setting here BSing and she decides to call her cousin. Then she proceeds to tell me how much I'm going to like her cousin. Lol, the one I was with today is a little larger than I prefer and she knows it but she's smart enough and pretty enough.

Now her cousin is another story. Way more of the body style I like and the little bit I talked to her she seems smart enough. Very pretty too. I expect she'll be back with or without her cousin. She wants to do a few things on the net I can teach her to do or do for her.

The point is as soon as the cousin came in they started talking to each other as fast as they could about BS that happened and who said what and who did what to who about it all. Lol, the drama was flying thick and fast.

I started laughing at both of them and told them I didn't want anything to do with either one of them, to much drama and confrontation. ;) Funny, when you haven't had any drama for a while it does provide some stress relief.

Actually, yesterday morning I was sitting in the canvas porch swing just a swinging and a thinking. If I ever decide to plant myself in one spot for a while I'm going to get me one of them. Really calming to me so sit and swing.

Anyway, I was sitting there thinking that I was pretty bored and that I could feel the tension building in my body and my mind. There is absolutely nothing to do where I'm at now and the first decent sized town where there are bars and women is 45 miles away.

Now I know I'll go there in a few weeks to a month. When the tension builds up so as to be unbearable I'll go party like a rock star for a couple of days and then come back to peace and quiet.

Not only do I know I'll go there I know it's next to inevitable and that's it's just a step toward where I really want to go. But I'll go there a couple of time before I go to an even bigger place. I'll go there a couple of times to before I go where I know I'll end up.

Not doubt about it. When I get bored enough and tense enough I'll end up in Vegas for at least a week. Of course before I'll go I'll have to make enough money so I can do it the way I want to., as usual. I love Vegas.

What's that got to do with the lovely ladies and drama? Lol, watching those two today made me remember why I'm here alone. However it did relieve a lot of stress and I expect it will postpone my party for at least a week or two.

If I start hanging out with either of them for long it may happen even sooner because they both like to party but that will be okay too. Women cause stress, women can also relieve stress. Particularly when you don't want or expect anything from them. Just watching them be them badass selves is fun.

Charlie, a cashier at Wal-mart and who also works at a motel at the front desk remarked that the one thing she really likes about me is I don't hit on her. Never will. She's cute but I just never will.

Told her thanks but I don't tend to hit on women anyway. Much easier to not hit on them and make them wonder whats wrong with themselves and why I don't think they are hot enough to hit on. She laughed and said women do that to guys. Yep, I know, where did she think I learned it.

So I make them chase me until I catch them. Simple and I told her the truth. Even knowing the truth what you want to bet she hits on me in the next three months. You see, knowing the truth and believing it are two different things.

So I cause women a bit of stress now and then. Makes us even, I think. ;)

Drama, control and depression

Some days I wonder how I made it to this age. Lol, I never expected to make it to 21 let alone the 60 I am now. That's a whole nother thing tho and not the way I meant it. I meant it as sarcastic because I just realized that if you are in control of your own life you don't have much drama going on.

Seems like a no brainer to me but only after it flashed into my mind. Like DUH! I mean this seems so obvious that I'm probably the last person in the world to figure that one out. Which makes me wonder, if I'm that stupid how did I live this long.

There is a young woman I love very much, don't much like her lately but I love her just the same. Heh, she's part of the reason I got so depressed. Anyway we argue/fight about her and her not being in control of her own life. She swears she is and she believes it but I know she isn't.

We also argue about if she is independent because she always is asking someone for help with something. Money, food, gas, phone, etc. So as far as I'm concerned she isn't independent but she thinks she is because she doesn't live at home. It's another thing that came to me today and that I need to put it a different way. I don't think she can find anything to argue about if I put it that she isn't self reliant.

Yet she thinks she's in control of everything. She's is a very smart girl and has a 4.0 GPA so why she doesn't grasp the concept is beyond me. Maybe it's because she's 26 and still a bit young and dumb and refuses to consider that because I'm older I might be just a bit wiser. Then again, maybe she's right not to listen, after all I just figured it out plus she knows I'm very depressed.

Hmmm, something else I just figured out this very moment. Maybe my depression is also getting better because I put everything out of my life that was causing drama and causing me major stress. I still have some stress but I have absolutely no drama of any consequence at all. My biggest drama now is how long will it be before baby T gets angry because she got told no. BTW, we went for a walk today and inspected pine cones.

Anyway, I have no drama and that's because I'm in control of my life again and have done what I could to remove everything negative or that doesn't meet my standards. Essentially I ran away from home, cut off contact with all but a very few people and my business contacts. Now no one is trying to manipulate me, no one is playing games or lying. So I have no drama. Can you imagine, I'm bored as hell.

Must be my day because I just figured out that the same exact thing has happened my last two major depressions. That makes it a pattern and that means now that I realize that I can analyze it and change it. Something to think about anyway.

What I'm hoping is that when I put it to her that she isn't self reliant or in control because if she was she wouldn't always, always have the drama going on that she does. MOF I can even point to other people she thinks highly of and respects for being in control and ask her how much drama they have in their life? How much more self reliant are they? Maybe then she will understand. Hey, if she doesn't at least I tried again and next time I think of something else to try I'll give that a shot too.

At least I figured out that getting rid of the drama put me back in control and that it could be why my depression is getting better.