Drama, control and depression

Some days I wonder how I made it to this age. Lol, I never expected to make it to 21 let alone the 60 I am now. That's a whole nother thing tho and not the way I meant it. I meant it as sarcastic because I just realized that if you are in control of your own life you don't have much drama going on.

Seems like a no brainer to me but only after it flashed into my mind. Like DUH! I mean this seems so obvious that I'm probably the last person in the world to figure that one out. Which makes me wonder, if I'm that stupid how did I live this long.

There is a young woman I love very much, don't much like her lately but I love her just the same. Heh, she's part of the reason I got so depressed. Anyway we argue/fight about her and her not being in control of her own life. She swears she is and she believes it but I know she isn't.

We also argue about if she is independent because she always is asking someone for help with something. Money, food, gas, phone, etc. So as far as I'm concerned she isn't independent but she thinks she is because she doesn't live at home. It's another thing that came to me today and that I need to put it a different way. I don't think she can find anything to argue about if I put it that she isn't self reliant.

Yet she thinks she's in control of everything. She's is a very smart girl and has a 4.0 GPA so why she doesn't grasp the concept is beyond me. Maybe it's because she's 26 and still a bit young and dumb and refuses to consider that because I'm older I might be just a bit wiser. Then again, maybe she's right not to listen, after all I just figured it out plus she knows I'm very depressed.

Hmmm, something else I just figured out this very moment. Maybe my depression is also getting better because I put everything out of my life that was causing drama and causing me major stress. I still have some stress but I have absolutely no drama of any consequence at all. My biggest drama now is how long will it be before baby T gets angry because she got told no. BTW, we went for a walk today and inspected pine cones.

Anyway, I have no drama and that's because I'm in control of my life again and have done what I could to remove everything negative or that doesn't meet my standards. Essentially I ran away from home, cut off contact with all but a very few people and my business contacts. Now no one is trying to manipulate me, no one is playing games or lying. So I have no drama. Can you imagine, I'm bored as hell.

Must be my day because I just figured out that the same exact thing has happened my last two major depressions. That makes it a pattern and that means now that I realize that I can analyze it and change it. Something to think about anyway.

What I'm hoping is that when I put it to her that she isn't self reliant or in control because if she was she wouldn't always, always have the drama going on that she does. MOF I can even point to other people she thinks highly of and respects for being in control and ask her how much drama they have in their life? How much more self reliant are they? Maybe then she will understand. Hey, if she doesn't at least I tried again and next time I think of something else to try I'll give that a shot too.

At least I figured out that getting rid of the drama put me back in control and that it could be why my depression is getting better.