Closing chapters of my life and making it better.

I made a decision a couple of weeks ago to put an end to some more of the BS in my life. It's all related to relationships, my extreme irritabilty and wanting better things than I've been attracting into my life.

I've been messing around with one girl for 18 months now. We didn't work as lovers and a couple, we didn't work being apart and we sure as hell aren't working as friends. While I love this girl dearly I have a major problem. I may love her but I sure don't like her much at all.

So tomorrow I'm going to take some pictures of me being in town. It's her birthday and I made a web page for her as a surprise. She doesn't know I'm in town and won't know until tomorrow at noon, if she goes to look at the page.

We no longer see each other, we no longer speak on the phone and all we have left is email. Lol, we still manage to fight like a married couple. She isn't honest with me or reliable and those are two things I demand from everyone I let come into my reality. She likes to play semantics and manipulation games and I am no longer going to do that with her either.

Well, after I put her page up tomorrow I am done with her. She doesn't meet my minimum expectations for a close friend nor even for a distant friend. So no matter how much I love her she is about to have her chapter in my book of life come to a close.

On IBCynical I wrote a piece on what I want in a woman. You can read it here if you are interested. What I want in a woman or girl for a dating or lifetime relationship she doesn't meet even the minimum requirements anymore and I'm not going to have the hassles with her and the drama in my life anymore so she's done unless she decides to do the things she told me she would do and gets a whole lot more honest and reliable with me.

When I leave here I'm going to Milwaukee to close another chapter. Funny, I like the chick in Milwaukee quite a bit but I don't love her at all. She's gotten really flaky over the last month and I'm going to go discuss it with her in person and if she doesn't get back to being honest she is gone too.

Dealing with both of these girls is depressing and puts me in a negative mood most of the time. I want people in my reality who care enough about me to be honest, reliable, trustworthy and who do what they say they will do. So I am cleaning up my life, the things that cause the most stress are being dealt with and the things that cause the most depression are going.

I am responsible for what I allow into my private reality and what I have been allowing is part of the problem. No more. I'm taking control of my life back and going to be proactive about it rather than reactive.

I should have learned this lesson 13 years before my so called mother died. Everytime she and I talked I'd go get drunk for a week. One day I realized the fact that it was my reaction to her causing the problem so I flat out quit talking to her. Told her when she apologized for all the crap she did to me I'd speak to her again. She never did and she died with our wither of us ever talking again. The really sad part of this is it didn't bother me at all and my life got better when I quit talking to her.

I view these two chicks the same way. When I finally put them out of my life and stop dealing with all the crap they cause me, my life will be better. I should have done it long ago with the Milwaukee chick and when the other one that I love called me 6 months after I quit talking to her the first time I should have hung up instead of listening to her apology and going thru another 6 months of BS with her.

Enough is enough and sometimes enough is way to much. I am done with them and that's how that's going to be. I am responsible for my life and what I do. This is going to make my life better, happier, calmer and that's a good thing.