Friday, March 23, 2007

How to have great self esteem

Almost no one I know admits to having low self esteem, including me.

Today is my birthday, I'm 60 now. I said yesterday I'd tell you an easy way to have great self esteem. Consider it my birthday gift to all of you reading this.

There are a ton of activities to build self esteem in children and one is praise. However what I'm going to tell you is more geared to older children and not little kids. Lol, praise works with almost everyone but it comes from other people.

I use the praise technique on some of the girls I date and it makes a big difference but I also let them know when I am disappointed in their behavior. One of the girls told me she couldn't believe how many of the mutual acquaintences we had wanted my approval and would modify their behavior to get it. However that's another story for another day. Praise works and combined with what I'm going to tell you you can help anyone raise their self esteem.

I never realized that I was poor so I never thought much about self esteem and poverty but having dated a lot of ghetto girls I can tell it makes a huge difference if you are born into poverty or born with enough to eat and decent clothes to wear.

It's very simple and it just requires you to write down three good things you did, each and every day. Simple huh? Well, yes but try to think of three good things you did yesterday. That's the hard part.

Realizing you do good things everyday and writing them down is harder than you might think. Particularly when you can't use the same ones you used the day before. I'll give you a few examples.

Did you go to work today? That's a good thing.
Did you hug your wife or girlfriend today? That's a good thing.
Did you give someone a compliment?
Did you take the garbage out?
Did you praise your child?
Did you let someone in in front of you in traffic?
Did you keep your temper today?
Did you put the toilet seat down? ;)
Did you put your clothes in the hamper?
Did you accomplish one of your goals today?
Did you help your child with their homework?
Did you read to your child?
Did you listen to your child?
Did you keep the tv, stero or whatever turned down so as not to disturb others?
Did you learn anything today?
Did you take a shower?
Did you pay a bill today?

Few people with low self estem see these as good things, just things they are supposed to do. There are a ton of things we all do everyday that are good things that we don't recognize as being good things. We judge ourselves and don't think much of anything we do is good unless it's a huge thing or a sensational good thing.

We all do hundreds of good things each and every day. Learn to recognize them and to give yourself credit for doing them.

I've never read any assessment studies on adolescent self esteem but my ex wife and I both taught her youngest son to do this and between this technique and praise he changed from a troubled child into a much better kid who could take pride in the good things he did everyday, no matter if they were small things.

It's not how big the good things you do are but the fact that you need to recognize you do good things everyday and the vast majority of them are going to be small things. The size of a good thing doesn't matter as long as it's a good thing.

So why can't you just think about it, compliment yourself and be done? Why do you have to write them down? Because writing them down makes them real, because writing them down works hundreds of times better than just thinking them.

How long does it take? Most people will see a big difference in two weeks or less and a huge difference after a month or six weeks. Your friends and your family will notice there is something different about you and even give you compliments on the changes in you.

Low self esteen can cause a ton of problems in your life so you really do need to give yourself credit for all the good things you do automatically everyday. Stop seeing the negative in what you do and start seeing the good in it. You do a lot of it so recognize that fact.

BTW, I need to start writing these down again too. Problem is, it's like everything else, after you get where you want to be you quit doing it and go backwards. The first few weeks it might take you 15 minutes a day to figure out three good things you did but with some practice you will start recognizing them when you do them.

I'm on vacation and have been for a little over a month but I'll put down at least three good things I did yesterday. You might think staying in motels and sightseeing would make it hard to do but it's not that tough. Lol, I'm not even out of bed yet and could probably put down three for today, already, but I'm going to use yesterday as it was a quite boring day.

I took my zoloft.
I put the wet towels and wash clothes in a pile for the maid to make her job easier.
I complimented the maid on the nice job she does for me.
I ate 3 times.
I called a girl I know to cheer her up.
I made a liitle girl laugh.
I made my blog post.
I didn't get angry at anyone.
I learned a new thing.
I relaxed in the sun.
I complimend the checkout girl at the store.
I let someone in line in front of me.
I didn't get stressed out.
I didn't argue with my girlfriend when I could have.
I turned a few negative toughts I was having into positive thoughts.
I didn't commit suicide.
I didn't get drunk.
I didn't do drugs.

and on and on and on. All mundane little things but all of them were good things. As I said, they don't have to be huge, just good.

So lets see about today since I'm not out of bed yet.

I woke up and stayed awake when the alarm went off at 6 AM.
I'm doing what I told you I would do yesterday.
I've accomplished two of my many goals for today.
I've helped people with this post.

More little things but still good things. Take the time for yourself and try this. You will be amazed at how much it will help you and buld your self esteem. 99% of us are good people and should have good self esteem but we don't and it hurts us in our daily lives.

Get yourself a notebook and write down three good things you did. Do it everyday for a month. This is a technique I learned during my 9 months of alcohol treatment and we were required to do it daily and anyone else could read it so we couldn't get away with any BS kinds of things or repeating the same three things day after day. It works and it works very well so give it a shot whether you think you have low self estemm or not. It will help you if you do it. It will make your life better so just do it. Raise your self esteem and see for yourself.

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