Thursday, March 22, 2007

So I'm depressed, so what and big deal.

I told you all before I don't want your sympathy just because I'm depressed. Except for the first few paragraphs this is going to be a happy post.

Today is the birthday of the bitch who gave birth to me. I'd have had better parents if I'd been raised by a pack of wolves. I never spoke to that woman for the last 15 years of her life and to this day don't feel guilty about it. Never will as it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I put an end to the sexual abuse when I was 14 and I put an end to the physical abuse by my mother that same year and when I was 16 I put an end to the physical abuse by my stepfather. What I could never put an end to was the mental abuse. Turns out the mental abuse had far more serious consequences that the physical abuse or sexual abuse did.


I mentioned before that I hate anti depression drugs and their side effects. I'm no longer as seriously depressed as I was a month ago. My last serious depression I put an end to by getting massages and by learning to just go lay in the sun and do nothing.

Soon I will give up the zoloft. Why? Because when I get to depressed I forget who I am and what I can do with my mind. I'm in a part of the country where it's warm enough I can go lay in the sun for an hour a day and think good thoughts about what I want and where I'm going. That helps me immensly. It's not impossible that I have seasonal affective disorder and that may be why I get so depressed. I do know that the sun helps me feel better and if I can lay in the sun or be in the sun by a lake or pond I feel better.

I've studied the subconcious all of my life because I sincerely believe in the power of the mind. It's made me independent and I have enough so I don't have to work. Not enough so I can live large but enough I can live well enough to keep me happy. I've been able to use my mind to keep everyone of my emotions in check except for anger.

I know what causes anger, I know I make the choice to be angry about somethings and I also know I'm the only one who can change that. Just as you are the only one who can change you.

One girl used to upset me so much and make me forget who I wa so much that I finally made her ringtone the part of the Whitney Houston song I told you about in another post. Why? Because that part of the song reminds me of who I am and what I can do. It makes me remember who I am. I love her dearly but I don't like her much. This is not a contradiction tho as I don;t believe you can choose who you fall in love with.

If I could choose to love someone else I would. Heh, a girl I like proposed to me the other day, for the second time. I said no. I like her and we are friends but I wll never love her. If I could I would but it's just not there. I may end up living with her to see if it develops any further, it might but I doubt it.

Anyway, back to the subconcious mind and what it can do. I'm sure most of you have heard of the placebo effect. It's where people get well even when not being given the drugs they think they are receiving. It's the mind that makes this happen because they believe they have been given drugs that will help them but in reality they received a fake pill or a sugar pill. Scientists use palcebos in double blind studies. Sometimes the placebo works better than the drug. You can do some amazing things with our mind if you believe.

I've been using my mind this way for years and also using it to supress my feelings. That's now changing as I learned somethig the other day that caused me to rethink the way I was using my mind. It's called The Secret but I think it's a stupid name and it's never really been a secret. However watching the videos on youtube caused me to make a couple of changes in my thinking.

Does it work. I'd have to say yes it does. Will it help me not be depressed? Yes it will and I know that. will it do other things for me. Yes, it will and because of what I know about the subconcious from past learning it can and will help anyone. You can find out more about it here This can help you or anyone else so click here to see what its about I can guarantee you will be glad you did but only if you keep an open mind and watch the videos available.

I seldom recommend things to people unless I damn well know they work. For instance I know glucosamine whith chondroiton can help carpal tunnel. It pretty much cured mine and I had it so bad I couldn't pick up a cup of coffee. They wanted to do surgery on me and I wouldn't let them. when I told my cousin about what it did for me she tried it with the same results. Others tried it on our recommendation and it worked for them. Now scientists have proven it works. There are other things but you get the idea. If I didn't think it worked I wouldn't bother to mention it.

Another thing that can help mood is omega 3 fatty acids. Fish oil capsules are the best way to take it as it's really awful tasting crap but there is scientific evidence that it does cause people to feel better about themselves and be happier. Lol, I'll have to start taking it again too. When I get to depressed I forget everything I know about getting over it and seem to wallow in it for a while. Then I finally remember and start to get better.

I forget the other one that works but I'll remember it today sometime. All I can remember about it at the moment is they give it to pregnant women because it helps the fetus to develop but once again it was scientifically proven to work.

Learn to use your own mind to get what you want. Doesn't matter what it is you can have it if you believe you can. I don't believe I can, I KNOW I can. I can already tell a difference in my mood and my depression is much less and that's a good thing.

Due to the videos I watched I'm changing my daily routine and I don;t expect to be depressed much longer and I don't ever expect to be depressed again in the future. That's if I can make it a habit and don't just forget to do it.

Tomorrow I'll tell you something that can boost selfesteem and it too is so very simple no one believes it works.

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