Physical child abuse stories

I suppose I could tell my child abuse victims stories for a long time and I'm sure I'll tell you more of them in the future. They happened and that's a fact I can't escape. However child abuse stories get old and a lot of people have their own stories to tell. The problem is they do relate to my depression so there's no real way to get away from them.

While there are no pictures of physical child abuse of me I have seen other peoples pictures and other peoples scars. There were no hidden cameras back then and not to many people were taking pictures or movies of what they were doing to their kids. So no pics for proof, just my word.

One of the things that bothered me all of my life is the fact that people knew I was being abused and no one did anything to stop it. Even the minister at the church knew but back then there was no church child abuse policy nor even a school policy about abuse. Even my teachers knew and looked the other way.

In my mind there are only three different types of child abuse. Physical, mental and sexual. Under those three are all the subcategories of how it was done. Only one of those three types shows and that's the physical. To me the mental abuse is worse than the physical because those effects last a lifetime but I suppose everyone has their own ideas there too. Doesn't matter which is worse though because they are all bad.

Many people wonder why child abuse is so wrong and don't even believe what they are doing is hurting their kids, permanently. If you read some child abuse facts you'll discover that somewhere around 90% of abused children grow up to abuse their own children. There you have the exact reason I never had kids. I was very afraid I would do to them what was done to me and I would rather be dead than do that to any little kids.

Our prisons are full of people who know the effects of physical child abuse and I've been there myself. You can really hear some horror stories in jail or prison about beatings, torture, starvation, being locked in closets, etc. You don't raise beaten children to become truly functional adults but hey, I fake it pretty well most of the time.

Relationships are a huge problem for me because I have a huge fear of abandonment and rejection and need constant reassurance through both words and actions that the person I'm in a relationship with truly does care for me. It always felt to me like no one cared and that in turn caused me to feel that no one could ever possibly like me, care about me or love me. When they say they do I keep doing things I shouldn't to make them prove they do care. Yes, I'd say relationships are a major problem. Just another one of the of child abuse effects I live with. That's enough to depress me by itself.

Heh, I've been diagnosed with everything you can think of including ptsd, adhd, add, odd and many more. Lol, if they were to stick post it note labels on my body there wouldn't be enough room for everything shrinks have said are wrong with me. I'd save on clothes tho. ;) I lost track of how many times I've been arrested and how many times I've been in jail. Did a lot of 30 day sentences for fighting though or disorderly conduct.

About half of those fights were with abusers. I absolutely hate to see women or children abused and I've helped quite a few women who were in that situation. I have no qualms about hurting guys who hurt women. Funny because that's another thing I lived with. My father beat my mother frequently so once again there's the 90% chance I'd do the same. While I've been quite violent on occassion it's never, ever been directed at women or kids.

Matter of fact I've never been arrested for being a thief or anything else. Just some sort of violence. Take no crap and take no prisoners was my attitude. I've been shot, stabbed, cut and beaten to within an inch of my life because I wouldn't quit. I spent a lot of time in jails for doing what I believed was the right thing and I suppose I will again. Just can't seem to keep my nose out of it when I see a guy, I was going to say man but men don't do those things, hurting a woman. The police have never been to my house for a domestic disturbance and they never will be.

While I never physically abused women and was quite proud of that fact I was dismayed to discover that I did mentally abuse them. I never saw the mental thing as being abuse until after a couple of years with my ex wife. I put her and her sons through therapy with a really good therapist. Now and then the therapist and I would talk and she taught me a few things. Between her and my ex I did learn that mentally it's still abuse. I apologize here and now to every woman I ever mentally abused.

What's the cause of child abuse? Well according to all of the shrinks I've talked to it's because the abusers were abused. Most of the time anyway. Some people say there is a correlation between child abuse and homelessness but I'm not sure of that because I don't know many homeless people. I've been homeless before but it didn't have anything to do with my being raised by abusive parents. Unless I'm deep in denial about that it was more of a case of wrong place and bad times. It didn't last long as I'm to damn independent to be homeless and ask others for help.

That's enough of this for today. I'm sure anyone who reads these is tired of it by the end of what I have to say. All I can tell you is don't abuse your kids and don't abuse your woman if you want them to be good people. Besides, if I see you doing it I'm liable to hurt you as much as I can.

Funny, I've never seen myself as a victim.