Drugs for my depression and for ADD.

I was talking to a lady yesterday who was telling me she was on drugs for depression. So we started comparing the depression drugs we had both taken.

It was quite a list between the two of us. Personally the only drug I've found that really works for me for anything at all is Xanax. The two no drug things that seem to work best are just laying in the sun for an hour a day and getting massages. She hasn't tried those yet but is going to.

Another thing that seems to work, at least for me, is getting outside of myself and helping others with their problems. Spending time with baby T and watching her amazement at life in general is a big help. We pretty much walk the same route everyday yet she, being so little, finds something new that amazes her, everyday.

She accomplishes new things on a daily basis and nothing is beyond her curiosity. She's teaching me to look at and see things differently.

I tried the newest drug for add a few years ago. Don't even remember the name of it but it's non addictive. I didn't like it and what it did to me and the it made me feel. I've also tried Ritalin and it was much more effective. Of course the prescription wasn't legal as I got it from overseas but it seemed to work better than anything else.

I've been told I think to much, for most of my life. I can multi task better than anyone I know. If I only have one thing to do I can barely accomplish it but if I have 5 things to do I can accomplish them all. IOW I learned to use my ADD to my advantage.

Xanax does a wonderful job for me for getting my brain to shut off so I can sleep. It's supposedly used to treat anxiety disorders but I don't have any anxiety about much of anything. Except being able to fall asleep at night. For that it's just flat out amazing.

It's almost like flipping a switch. My thoughts stop racing and my brain slows down to less than a crawl. Now my brain isn't racing about problems or anything like that. It just keeps having new idea after new idea and follows them to figure out all the angles to see if they will work or not.

I've tried bio feedback and meditation and neither has worked very well, at least not for me. Altho the meditation might work better if I took some Xanax before I started it. It's just damn difficult for me to focus on anything.

However there is one exception to the lack of focus. There's also one thing that can always relieve my anger and frustration. However it's not a great or recommended solution. Putting myself in dangerous situations sharpens my focus a ton.

When I still had my restored El Camino with it's 500 HP engine I used to go out and drive the hell out of it. I lived in the boonies and had a few roads I could drive on that had little or no traffic. They also had some nice curves. Nothing cause focus like throwing a car into a 40 mph curve at 90 mph.

Nothing like the possibility of dying to focus the mind. One little lapse and it's all over. Big wreck at best and dead at worst. Being shot at has the same effect. It sharpens your focus a ton. Now if I could just focus that much when I'm not in danger I'd be a trillionaire.

Point of all of this is that when I was a kid all of the stealing and things I did were adrenaline filled moments. If I was depressed as a kid the adrenaline I got from all the stupid crap I did made me feel great.

The problem with adrenaline is it is addictive and you also need more and more of it to accomplish the same thing.

Maybe it's why I stopped stealing about 5-7 years later on in my life. No more adrenaline rush from it. If I ever find the person or persons who stole my El Camino I'm going to have a nice adrenaline rush tho. No law enforcement personnel will be necessary.