Women are really irritating and depressing today.

I should stop listening to Bonnie Tyler music. Then I had a thought. Yep, that would solve all of both our problems. You should have figured out by now that I ran away from home because of a woman. Lol, I mean this time, in the present year of 2007. Well, in the past too but today I am talking today.

Some days I think she's the worst thing that ever happened to me and some days I think she's the best. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, multiple times. She made me have feeling again and then fall in love.

Now you might think she doesn't feel the same way about me but you'd be wrong. She cares as much for me as I do for her. Lets just say I learned a long time ago to judge her actions not her words.

So why do we both feel the same way yet we aren't together or even speaking and I left town so she couldn't just drop in. Lots of reasons, tons of them but bottom line is we are both scared and pushing away as fast as we can.

Then there's the dominance issue. Hmmm, also the fact she didn't meet my ultimatum. ;) Still hasn't and until she does we won't speak. She's told me many times she doesn't want someone she can dominate.

We've had this battle before and I won. I'll win this time to because I'm a tad bit more stubborn than she is. If I give in I'm doomed to a life of semi friendship and her total unreliability. That's not what I want but I miss her so much that I want to talk to her everyday.

So I'll gamble, all or nothing. I will never, ever, make the mistake again of telling her I was wrong. NEVER!!!!!!! So she took my apology to mean I was weak and she was dominant and proceeded to act that way.

She knows my rules perfectly well and What I want in a woman or girl for a dating or a relationship. I know what she wants. Lol, she probably thinks I don't listen to her but I hear every word she says and even more of the things she doesn't say.

We were in her car one day when she came to visit me. Real, real early in our wierd relationship. We played catch, at Wal-mart checkout, with her keys for about 5 tosses because I really don't give a damn who drives. I trust her driving as much as mine or close. She doesn't realize that I won't ride with most people, my car, I drive or I don't go. Don't trust them driving at all.

So I don't care and I see it as a huge sign that I trust her and she sees it as me being a wimp. Lol, there's another thing, there are a lot of things that just don't matter to me that it took me a long time to learn that they don't really matter. One of them being not thinking about or caring about what people think of me.

She won the argument and I had my first big clue how to deal with her. She won with 4 little words. Be the man, okay. Hmmm, think about how loaded that is. How manipulative and how ego deflating all at once. I fell for it and I drove her car but I learned one hell of a lot with those 4 words.

Then I learned she played semantics games, then I learned she was stubborn and then I learned I was way to deeply in love with her. Then I learned she was unreliable, then I learned I couldn't deal with it without getting mad about it then we split. Then we got back together, then we split.
Same thing both times. Both times I made the same mistake. Won't happen again. Lol, I'm gonna treat her like men treated women in the fifties. Essentially, that's what she's asking for. I remember the fifties so that won't be to tough. Good thing it's not the 60's or it might be a problem.

Sheesh, I finally learned to treat women as equals about 15 yrs ago and now she wants me to stop that. Lol, I kinda like treating women as equals. Heh, we're going to have lots of future fights about money because I'm running the checkbook and the credit cards.

If we could ever work together we could conquer the world.

All that from the refrain of a song. "And I need you now tonight, And I need you more than ever, And if you only hold me tight, We'll be holding on forever" and "Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart, There's nothing I can do, A total eclipse of the heart, Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark, Nothing I can say, A total eclipse of the heart"

Geez, if I keep thinking about it I'm going to settle for things her way so writing this today is helping me maintain my strength of will. I know exactly when she will give in too. About two days after I become committed to someone else. Lol, the next relationship is doomed. Not because I'll leave to go to Patti tho but because I'll become real impatient with whoever I'm with and she'll get rid of me.

By the time I'm free Patti will be in a relationship and I'll be playing Total Eclipse of the Heart again. Sheesh, gotta change that outcome. See, women are irritating and depressing.