Trust, nice people, abandonment and liking others

Yep, I'm getting sidetracked again but then I doubt anyone reads this stuff anyway so it doesn't much matter. So what's my problem today?

I still don't know how to deal with genuinely nice people who care and aren't related to me. T and her husband K are so nice to me. They told me tonight I'm almost like family to them. They also told me tonight I'm the only one they trust with baby T.

Damn, I don't even know how to explain what bugs me about it. It's not that they trust me that bothers me. Lots of people trust me and I expect that. I'm very trustworthy until you screw me over and then I can be your worst nightmare.

I trust myself totally, unless I go to Vegas. Then no matter how many lies I tell myself I know I'm going to party like it's the end of the world at least one or two nights, do stupid shit and be a total asshole. So as much as I love Vegas I don't go there often anymore because I know I can't trust myself there.

It's not the responsibility they give me with baby T either. I can deal with that even tho she is a bit hard for me to keep up with. She still can't talk but she can make herself understood and she understands a lot of things. It's funny because I'm strong willed and so is she. She throws tantrums and I laugh.

Tonight T, K and I were sitting on the couch and baby crawled up on her dads lap and touched his face, then she touched moms face and then she touched mine. Did it 3 times in a row and melted my heart. Baby treats me just like I'm one of her parents. She falls asleep sitting on my lap. When I leave she throws a real fit so now we worked out a strategy so I leave when she's in back. Still throws a fit but not near as bad as if she can see me leaving. I imagine when she can finally talk real words that I can understand I'm gonna get an earful.

I'm just kind of wandering around the country and hadn't planned on staying here this long except for Mama T and baby T I'd be gone. Now I expect I'll be here at least another month. When I left for a week a month ago she would look at my room and point and make the I want, motion and then cry when I didn't show up. Not sure I can leave that, at least not yet.

I know when I do leave I'm really going to miss her and her mom and dad. I may never know what bugs me about them liking me. Maybe it's just the fact they do like me. I do know I don't know how to deal with it very well.

Probably low self esteem. I'm working on that and I'm not really sure that's the problem. Most of the time I like me, not always but usually that happens when I break my own rules. I don't know what the problem is I just know it bugs the hell out of me to feel this way. It's not depression doing it either.

Could be that the sad fact is I just never learned how to deal with people who are truly nice and it makes me uncomfortable. I keep looking for motives and reason and excuses and there are none. They just like me for me. Funny, that's what I always wanted and now that I have it I don't know how to deal with it.

I'll deal with it but I do wish there were classes that would help me learn to deal with it faster. I've got an old GF who calls now and then and makes noises about us being together. She finally told me her problem and it explained everything about her instantly. She's got some severe abandonment issues but I didn't know why. Now I do. Lol, I know I have almost as many issues on the same subject as she does. Maybe that's what's freaking me out about them liking me. I'm afraid they'll stop.