We lived in two different house in Fairmont and I only remember the last one. No memory at all of the first one we lived in. Kinda tells me nothing unusual happened there but we didn't live there very long either.
My mother still beat me and my stepfather occasionally used his fists on me but I was used to it so it wasn't anything new or memorable. If something happens often enough it becomes normal, even if it shouldn't.
The uncle that molested me for years showed up at my school one day and wanted me to go with him after school got out. The school yard was fenced and he was on the other side of the fence. I told him to go away or I was going to tell the teacher he was bothering me then I walked away from the fence.
He left but I was scared and stressed out about it for weeks after that. No one believed me before or did anything about it and I still wasn't big enough to put a stop to it. I would be one day but not yet.
My mother and my stepfather fought a lot but to my knowledge he never hit her like my father did. It was almost constant arguing and raised voices. I always wondered why they got married to begin with.
Once, on a trip to my aunt and uncles in Mason City, Iowa, they argued for most of the way. I finally got tired of being quiet and said something to them about it. My mother hit me and told me if I didn't shut up about it they were going to throw me out of the car.
I told them go ahead I'd rather walk than listen to them all the time. So they dumped me out of the car 15 miles from where we were going. When they drove off I hurried up and got away from the area so if they came back they couldn't find me.
They didn't find me either. I watched them driving around looking for me and then headed for my uncles house. I knew how to get there so it wasn't a big problem for me. I wasn't even stressed about it but relieved to be out of the car with all the arguing going on.
I finally got a ride to Mason City and beat them to my uncles house by about an hour. Got one hell of a beating for not staying where they dumped me out. Do I think they were worried about me? Not even a little bit. I think they were more worried about what would happen if I went to the police station and told the cops what they did.
It's not something they ever did again so in the end I won that round. I never worried about being dumped out again because I knew I could handle it. I was stubborn as hell then and I still am today. I know that if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other I'll eventually get where I want to go.
Just the fact I was relieved to be thrown out of the car instead of scared or worried should give you a major idea of what kind of life I had then.
Wow, you don't suppose this is why I have some serious abandonment issues and major problems in that area of relationships. Sarcasm, in case you didn't get it.
I've spent my whole damn life trying to figure out why people do the things they do and trying to figure out myself. Every now and then I have some aha moments about me and it seems I should have figured out some of the things about me long ago but I didn't.
Getting a little late now but I'm still working on me and I'm making myself better day by day. It's a slow process but as stubborn as I am I'll get there if I keep trying.
I've lived my life on my terms since I was a kid and that will never stop. I recognize it's not always a good thing but I've seen nothing to make me want to change that part, yet.
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