Life long tinnitus and headaches caused by child abuse

Tinnitus means ear noise or ringing of the ears. I've had it for as long as I can remember. The first time I complained about it to a Dr. I was around 8 years old. That would have been in 1955. It's always there, every minute of every hour of every day.

Some days it sounds like Mariah Carey holding a high note forever and other days it sounds like the bugs do outside at sunset. Other times it's fluctuates between different tones and different level but it's always there. Always!

Now and then it's so loud I wonder why other people can't hear it. Sometimes it drives me to distraction but most of the time I just plain don't notice it unless it changes. In other words I've had it for so long I've gotten used to it.

I seldom go to the Dr. for anything but every couple of years I mention it to the doc and there is still no cure for it. They tell me certain things like aspirin can cause it but I have it whether I take aspirin or not. Doesn't matter what they tell me, I try it but it's still there.

I've been told by several different doctors who know about some of my abuse that to many blows to the head as a child could have been the cause. I don't know if they are right or not but as I said I've had it for as long as I can remember.

I've had cat scans, mri's and other tests, not specifically for the ringing i my ears but when the tests are scheduled I always mention it to the Dr. so they can look for a cause of that problem also. Everything comes up blank.

So I live with it, lol, not much choice there huh? It's just one of the constant reminders I have of being abused.

Another is headaches. I've also had them for as long as I can remember. The doctors try to figure out why and can find nothing wrong with my brain or my head. Then they tell me it's stress. I've been told I have migraines as I do have a couple of migraine symptoms and I may have the occasional migraine but I'm not sure that's what it is. I've been given practically every migraine treatment there is and none of them have helped.

When the migraine meds don't work they tell me they must be stress related. Heh, I don't get stress, I give stress. ;) Little joke there. Some I know are caused by stress but most aren't and all the drugs they give me to stop them seldom work. Good old aspirin works better than anything. Of course that makes my ringing ears even worse but it's better than having a headache.

When they can't find a cause they fall back on the old thing same as with the ringing. To many blows to the head as a child. I can handle a lot of pain and manage to function with pain that incapacitates many people. Yet now and then a headache will put me out of commission.

I can be sitting watching TV by myself, feeling comfortable and relaxed and all of a sudden it feels like someone hit me in the head with a hammer. Those are the ones I really hate. It won't just be one hit either, it will be like I was getting hit a few times. Dr. told me those were stroke symptoms and I should come in immediately when it happens. I went in once and they found nothing like a stoke happening so now I don't bother. However the pain is so immediate and so intense I let out a gasp with each one.

Nothing helps those headaches at all. I just have to wait for it to quit. Fortunately they don't last long. 15 or 20 minutes as a rule. The migraine like headaches I know they are coming before they get to a full blown state and I take Tylenol 3 or aspirin or ibuprofen to try and stop them before they start. That's rarely successful either.

Just a couple of the physical mementos I carry around with me at all times due to being a severely abused child. Thanks for the memories mother.