Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Did my sister cause my severe depression

On December 11, 1950 something happened that made my life even worse than it was before. The bitch who gave birth to me finally got her wish and my sister was born.

Heh, if I thought I knew what neglect was before that I was to learn that I didn't know a thing about it afte she was born. She and I don't get along but that's for much different reasons. Anyway, my sister is 2 years and 9 months younger than I am.

For the rest of the time I was with my parents she was the one who could do no wrong and I was the one who could do no right. Lol, I learned to live with it. Heh, you can learn to live with almost anything if you have to. It is depressing tho.

Unfortunately the satisfaction of having a girl soon wore off with my mother and she started doing all the crazy crap she'd been doing before. Now it fell to me at 3 and 1/2 to take care of my baby sister. I did it until I was 16 and then she was old enough to take care of herself. Finally.

But lets get back to the past. If I didn't take good care of her I got beat and beat badly. My mother was much worse about it than my father was tho and beat me for anything and everything. Just depended on her mood at the moment but if anything at all was wrong with her precious little girl I was beaten much worse than normal. Yep, I learned to live with the beatings too.

Contrary to what you might thingk, I loved my sister very much and took care of her to the absolute best of my young ability. It was good enough to keep her alive but that's about all I could do.

We were left alone for days at a time and I taught myself to fix food and make eggs and cook some very basic things so we could eat. That's if there was food in the house. There wasn't always money for food but there was always money for beer and cigarettes.

Depressing as hell at the age of 4 to be almost 100% responsible for a baby still in diapers. Then I just accepted that thats how life was and got thru it. I didn't know it was wrong and even if I did there wasn't anyone who was going to do anything about it. If my mother was raising children today she lose them in the first week.

Just wait until tomorrow, it's going to get even worse.

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