tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33779768223532521222011-12-26T19:54:58.242-06:00How I was raised and how it contributes to my lifelong depression and my stress levels. Basically my life story in chronological order with a side trip here and there. Some of it is awful, some is amusing and parts of it wander all over the place. It's not as focused as it could be or probably should be but hey, it's my story, just as it's my depression that prompts me to tell it.IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.comBlogger1631100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-59073300934298242292010-09-17T11:57:00.000-05:002010-09-17T11:57:26.210-05:00

Naked Teens Pics: "Hot and erotic naked teens pics and videos"

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-13474246109736710462009-02-20T07:41:00.004-06:002009-02-20T08:23:03.800-06:00

Short and sweet, chris brown is a stupid little punk and should do a couple of years in prison for what he did to Rhianna. IMO he's not an adult, not a man and in reality is nothing but a spoiled little boy who gets angry and hurts people when he doesn't get his way or things don't go his way.Child abuse, wife abuse and relationship abuse is something I know a lot about. I lived with it daily for

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-23018140457551187152008-11-16T14:00:00.006-06:002008-11-16T17:52:32.637-06:00

The holidays are major stress and depression time, at least for me. They were never happy times for me as a kid and I have very few good memories of Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years.Well, it's that time of year again and it's tough for people who get stressed out easily or suffer from depression. I imagine it's a lot tougher this year for a lot of people than it is most years. What with the

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-74664321952354253182008-09-11T12:01:00.006-05:002008-09-11T19:54:42.380-05:00

Funny but I don't get many comments on here. What I do get is a lot of emails from people thanking me for telling my story, such as it is. It's not even anywhere close to done so all of the emails surprise me.Most people tell me how glad they are that they came across my depressed blog and how it makes them feel to know they aren't the only ones things like this happened to.I was just looking at

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-14844006459229200382008-08-20T11:19:00.008-05:002008-08-20T17:57:18.415-05:00

Have you ever seen a parent who's young child has hit someone, go over to them grab them by the hand and slap their fingers and tell them not to hit other people. That it's wrong to hit other people and if they do it again they are going to get a spanking?Now I ask you, how is this going to get a child to stop hitting. Children learn by watching adults and mimicking what adults do. What kind of

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-49535488967820860352008-08-01T08:03:00.003-05:002008-08-01T08:56:48.322-05:00

Is it child abuse to let a child get grossly overweight or morbidly obese? Which is worse, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse or a your child until they are grossly overweight?Having never been fat or grossly overweight I can't really speak for those people but I do know what the medical professionals say. So do you. Being overweight is a killer.Ergo, if being overweight will kill you

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-33247036815037273862008-06-30T08:11:00.002-05:002008-06-30T08:56:27.266-05:00

Personal stories of attempted suicide are usually very sad but for some I just don't get the reason for the attempt. I've read lots of stories where people attempted suicide for various reasons but the one that struck me the most was about a girl who tried to kill herself because her boyfriend didn't like her new, pink, athletic shoes.To me that's no reason to commit suicide and that's pretty

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-7844157653090796172008-06-16T17:13:00.002-05:002008-06-16T17:19:16.734-05:00

Ya know this bullying stuff is getting out of hand. I don't quite understand why tho. I was always a small kid but I was tougher than hell because if I lost a fight my father would beat me when I got home.Besides being small, I had another problem. I was smart. Way smarter than the rest of the kids in my class. It made me a big target because it made me different. I was also very quiet and loved

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-37523571981458976652008-05-24T08:48:00.002-05:002008-05-24T09:09:45.651-05:00

It's the Memorial Day weekend holiday and as usual it's just another weekend to me. I have absolutely no good memories of any holidays as a kid. All the things that happened to me as a kid, during any holidays, still causes me problems today.I don't like crowds, I don't like drunks, I don't like loud people and that's what it always was when I was a kid. With about 100% more chance that I was

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-11024720704169825222008-04-25T10:07:00.003-05:002008-04-25T10:38:50.784-05:00

I don't know if it's depression but my girlfriends made me very angry. At least this time I finally got to the end of why it makes me angry. Once again, it's one of those things I think I should have figured out years ago.We get along pretty good as a couple despite the problems she has and our other differences. We decided to move in together last Sept for money saving reasons. We'd know and

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-82608895371902643972008-04-18T20:24:00.002-05:002008-04-18T20:28:05.921-05:00

Mental health issues, in one form or another, affect 15% of the population. Nearly 2/3 of individuals who have a mental health disorder do not seek any form of treatment.Perhaps some of these individuals don’t even know that they have any mental health ailments that can be treated and controlled. They simply think that it is normal to feel anxious or depressed throughout life.Some of the 2/3 of

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-48999744027357938982008-04-04T13:17:00.003-05:002008-04-04T13:50:14.572-05:00

Lots of people have child abuse stories and if they are around my age they tolerated it until they either ran away or put a stop to it themselves. They also have a lot of stories of child abuse, just as I have. I told you how I stopped my mother from abusing me and this story will be about how I stopped my stepfather.I suppose you could call this child abuse vs. discipline but there was no

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-48756587455741604632008-03-20T06:21:00.006-05:002008-03-20T08:57:12.404-05:00

Molestation survivor stories like mine have always made me wonder why do people molest children. I was molested sleeping by men and, much to my surprise, molested by women while awake. Of course I never considered that molestation.Being molested as I slept, by the worst of the bunch, my second youngest uncle, made me not want to sleep while I was at my grandmothers, if he was there. I'd stay out

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-30214806939918953222008-03-09T11:24:00.003-05:002008-03-09T13:43:53.380-05:00

Why do children run away isn't something I have to ask myself. I know why. It's even very simple. They find the conditions they are living under, intolerable. I'm not even going to discuss what children will put up with and still stay at home.I started leaving home for the summer when I was living in LeMars. I'd stay at my grandmothers in MN for a couple of weeks and then leave. She always gave

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-29257812312382592992008-03-04T06:01:00.003-06:002008-03-04T06:35:38.634-06:00

Lol, I expect someone to come out of the woodwork for my glamorizing my sex escapades again. However no glamour to it, it's just what happened.I was going to go through these girls one at a time but it's just to many in the 4 years or so I was there.Now to be fair, I was a bad boy type. You know, the kind your mother didn't want you hanging around with and if you were a girl that was even

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-80834163146002706152008-02-24T10:34:00.003-06:002008-02-24T10:57:59.965-06:00

Sorry for the delay in adding new posts. I've been a bit under the weather but it has nothing to do with depression unless I'm so depressed my immune system is down. Been sick a lot lately with flu and colds.Once again this is slightly out of order but it's at least the correct town.I didn't think much of Iowa schools after having moved to so many different places in Iowa. They were way behind

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-14216984847790973252008-02-04T13:09:00.000-06:002008-02-04T13:43:49.534-06:00

I think hitting your mother is a bad thing in most cases. However in my case I considered it justifiable and have never considered that I was wrong to do it. Lol, hey, you can justify anything if you think about it long enough.Anyway I have never felt bad about it and at this late date I doubt I ever will. On the other hand it's not something I'm proud of either. I wasn't raised to not beat women

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-72389458343681108902008-01-27T11:24:00.000-06:002008-01-27T11:59:15.416-06:00

Sex, sex, sex. After having had Cherie introduce me to the joy of sex I was horny all of the time. One of the best memories I have of LeMars is all of the sex I had with high school, college girls and older women.Heh, I think the average number of sex partners in a lifetime, back then, was 7. I'd gone way past that before the end of 9th grade. Of course I didn't know that then, or care. In a way

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-21689314451551051672008-01-18T11:20:00.000-06:002008-01-18T11:31:45.503-06:00

Well, not quite that depressed but more than has been the norm lately. I've been sick for the last two weeks. Nothing serious, just some damn bug going around. Getting sick in anyway makes my life miserable due to the severe COPD.Lol, not feeling sorry for myself tho. I'm about 95% sure I'm the one who caused the COPD by smoking for 53 years. OTOH I did get into some asbestos about 41 years ago

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-15980589408968503862008-01-02T17:44:00.000-06:002008-01-02T18:15:17.000-06:00

My bizarre sense of humor has gotten me into more trouble. It seems to be very normal for me but others don't always understand how I can see a situation as humorous.My live in girlfriend decided, since she got a bit miffed at me this morning, that she'd stay in town after work without letting me know. We're both highly independent people used to doing whatever we wanted to do so it makes life a

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-4072878603524661582007-12-27T08:16:00.000-06:002007-12-27T08:37:26.519-06:00

Depressing is what I call the holidays from Thanksgiving thru New Years day. It's never been a happy time of the year for me. It was one of the worst times of the year when I was a kid.Drunks all over the place, drunks fighting and arguing all the time, drunks beating me and molesting me. Nothing but crowds of drunks being stupid. To bad they never had a trophy for the stupidest.Then again I

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-30989605874881548732007-12-18T06:33:00.000-06:002007-12-18T06:50:38.420-06:00

Naturally I had a few fights before the pecking order was decided. Little did anyone know that beating me up didn't change my perception of the pecking order at all. I just didn't care. I was going to do what I wanted to do and if the other kids didn't like it that was just to bad.Whipping me in a fight and controlling me or making me afraid of you are two different things. I wasn't afraid of

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-12943730751259183262007-12-11T08:34:00.000-06:002007-12-11T08:43:45.100-06:00

Death sucks. Getting old sucks. Being physically unable to do the things you used to do sucks.I'm in kind of a contemplative mood today. My aunt died Saturday. My favorite aunt. My favorite cousins mother.She's been in the nursing home for years now. Had Alzheimer's, blind and unable to take care of herself. I haven't seen her since she went into the nursing home, even tho she is one of my better

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-26691296382560366362007-12-02T15:38:00.000-06:002007-12-02T16:34:56.913-06:00

Yep, I was a thief and a pretty damned good one if I do say so myself. Not romanticizing either, just stating a fact.I said in the last post that something surprising happened after I got busted for the penny caper as I've come to call it. Lol, life's an adventure and parts of it or the story just need names. Lol, we aren't going to get to 'The adventure with the one legged woman' for a long time

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-76684623308924954562007-11-28T18:40:00.000-06:002007-11-28T19:01:40.253-06:00

After I'd lived in LeMars for awhile I had a few friends and knew the best places to go to shoplift, etc. I mostly hung out at the pool hall/restaurant I worked at on Sunday mornings or the truck stop.One day I learned that you could take pennies and grind the edge off of them and vending machines and pinball machines would take them as dimes. I haven't tried that since then but I wouldn't be

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-72791184801061570922007-11-20T05:37:00.000-06:002007-11-20T05:57:03.146-06:00

I never had a real, legitimate, paper route in LeMars. I found a much more interesting way to make money with the local paper.It came out every Thursday, for most people. However if you had a little ambition and patience you could get the papers hot off the presses on Wed. nights.I learned that I could buy papers at a discount on Wed. nights so I bought about 20 of them every Wed night. I'd have

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-31030743305154033752007-11-17T08:04:00.000-06:002007-11-17T08:55:36.962-06:00

Here I was, LeMars Iowa, a young kid who turned 13 in 1960. I had one hell of a lot of fun in the 60's and some not so fun moments but mostly I love the 60's and 70's.I was a rebel and I fit right in the era. However I didn't fit with the hippies nor did I fit with the bad asses. Funny, I still don't fit much of anywhere so like back then I mostly stay apart from named or labeled groups.For a

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-40867306970853897882007-11-10T09:18:00.000-06:002007-11-10T09:42:51.516-06:00

Argh, I still don't care about writing this but it's to the point where I either have to write something or forget the whole project. Two weeks in a row I missed making posts. I guess I'll call it a vacation and try and get back to normal.Of course trying to quit smoking hasn't helped either. Stresses me out when I have to write things on here because it brings up memories I have kept locked away

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-46613090267493979762007-11-03T21:19:00.000-05:002007-11-03T21:50:54.394-05:00

I wonder why I'm having such a hard time putting this part of my life down. I try to maintain at least a scheduled of 3 posts per week. At that pace if I live another 5 years I might get it all in. Then again, maybe not, some really interesting crap has been happening lately.Things worthy of being written about. I've changed more than a few lives in the last few months, mine included. I've also

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-1334386208301054562007-10-30T07:13:00.000-05:002007-10-30T07:16:20.124-05:00

Somewhere along the way my mother decided my problem was I needed to go to church more often. The family seldom went to church due to massive hangovers on Sunday mornings. Lol, if it was planned to go I might sneak into my parents room and set the clocks ahead so when they woke up they'd think it was to late.I didn't like church. It was long, boring and full of hypocrites.Still is as near as I

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-44329774614548459792007-10-26T18:45:00.000-05:002007-10-26T19:07:42.880-05:00

I'm trying to quit smoking, again. Yep, side trip. Sorry about that. Nah, not really, I just don't want to write about any old crap today and get more stressed. Quitting smoking is enough stress for any one person to deal with in one day.I've smoked since I was 8 yrs old. Of course, not as heavy back then but I was up to 4 packs a day when I drove truck. I can smoke that much while working on my

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-90060245399119645582007-10-23T06:08:00.000-05:002007-10-23T06:51:48.792-05:00

This is a town I remember very well. A lot of things happened there. I suppose that's to be expected considering the ages I was while I lived there. 13-18 yrs old is a very tough time in the life of a kid. Abused and molested or not, it's just a tough time.Considering I was more sexually advanced, thanks Cherie, than most of the kids my age you just know I slept with a lot of girls I went to

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-19128116091738827182007-10-20T03:37:00.000-05:002007-10-20T03:46:27.956-05:00

Sex and chicks are what I thought life was all about when I was a couple years younger than I am now. Sex, drugs and rock and roll and chicks. Heh, maybe a lot of years younger. I know longer drink, listen to rock and the only drug I do anymore is weed. Now and then. Helps with my pain quite a bit.What prompted this post was the comment about romanticizing my first sexual experience and the girl

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-91254600152990965352007-10-18T07:29:00.000-05:002007-10-18T07:34:40.324-05:00

Your reality isn't really real. It only seems that way because of the way you perceive things to be. Your past shapes everything you believe today. Everything that happened to you in the past changes the choices you make today.If this was a dating site it might be called baggage. Very little that happened to you when you were young and forming your opinions about how to live your life, is

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-55991366439102694692007-10-15T07:27:00.000-05:002007-10-15T07:43:09.436-05:00

When we first moved to LeMars I didn't like it and was stressed out and depressed about it. Of course I missed Cherie but that's not all of it. It was a small town but it had a lot of people in it who were to become big business men later in life.I went to school with the kids who's parents owned Well Blue Bunny dairy and ice cream, Schuster Trucking, Harms trucking and a few others. Mrs. Harker

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-28699251901665608782007-10-11T18:31:00.000-05:002007-10-11T18:57:59.040-05:00

Lol, another thing to add to the list of abuse, stress and depression that I'm not going to count every detail of. Sex happened a lot and unless it was something out of the ordinary, plenty of it was, I'm not going to tell you about everytime.Of course paying Cherie a quarter for sex was cool with me. The way I look at it you pay for it one way or another. Dating and relationships cost plenty

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-56764309477682570582007-10-09T21:26:00.000-05:002007-10-09T22:48:55.325-05:00

Sex and how to deal with it on this blog is going to be something else. Like the beatings and the molestation I'm not going to tell you everytime it happened because it just happened to often with to many different females.Lol, it's hard for me to write this because of the wording of it and trying to keep it appropriate for anyone to read. In case you hadn't noticed I tend to be a little blunt

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-11703254609541306172007-10-06T08:46:00.000-05:002007-10-06T12:42:01.012-05:00

Cherie was teasing us a lot with glimpses of her cotton bra and panties. Her petticoats were very sexy as I said before.She had pulled her sweater up so we could see her soft flat stomach. You have to remember, this was a big deal back then. Women and girls just didn't show their bodies like the do now. Way back then just to get a glimpse of panties was a rarity let alone seeing any skin.Then she

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-31450425449131465652007-10-04T07:07:00.000-05:002007-10-04T07:56:51.901-05:00

As I mentioned previously the kids next door were all about my age. We almost always talked about girls, what sex would be like and who was it most likely we could have sex with.It's been my experience that every small town has at least one girl with a bad reputation. To put it bluntly a girl who is very easy to get into bed or at least someone easy to get naked.We all knew who she was and she

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-91095073294340780402007-10-02T08:21:00.000-05:002007-10-02T11:49:23.993-05:00

At last something memorable that wasn't a beating or sexual abuse. Just plain old fashioned sex. I was reading an article on the MSNBC site one day and it was about marriage helping depression.They had thought that depressed people would gain less from having a live in girlfriend or getting married. Turns out they were wrong. Getting married helped depressed people much more than it helped

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-21481967097453934452007-09-29T20:31:00.000-05:002007-09-29T22:05:03.544-05:00

This comment prompted this whole post. What sane person Just click that link. It's a short comment.I don't know the answer to that. I do know there are people with far worse stories than mine. I've seen the scars on other people and asked.I don't really think the question is what sane person hits a child with fists,feet or other objects, or burns them on the stove or with cigarettes, or cuts them

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-20559566544801774382007-09-27T19:56:00.000-05:002007-09-27T19:56:49.987-05:00

The only serious beating I remember from Denison happened while my favorite cousin and her mother were visiting us. This is my aunt who had previously brought her boyfriend in an earlier post.They visited for a few days to a week. Actually I think my aunt and her husband were having major problems so she came to our place to hide out. She and the bitch who gave birth to me were best

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-86458818475022152092007-09-24T21:23:00.000-05:002007-09-25T06:32:00.585-05:00

The BB gun incident is one of the most memorable of all the things that happened in Denison. Not the most memorable but I've never forgotten it. I also learned something very important about myself.I loved guns when I was a kid and I've owned them most of my life. I also hunted for most of my life and I ate what I killed. Finally gave it up and now all I shoot at is targets. Lol, I still own an

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-44270795102010737912007-09-22T07:09:00.000-05:002007-09-22T07:56:12.974-05:00

My cousins mother, who I always wished was my mother, showed up at our apt with her boyfriend. Didn't make me very happy because I liked her husband much better. It also changed all of our sleeping arrangements so that didn't make me happy either.They and my parents also spent a lot of time drinking so I was also in more trouble than usual. I was also quite angry that my aunt was screwing over

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-9454122825880238322007-09-19T08:12:00.000-05:002007-09-19T12:30:01.855-05:00

Way back, on May 29th, I got things out of order. Not to hard to do considering all the times I've lived in Sioux City and then moved to other places. If you want to get back in order then go read the May 29th post about Denison, Iowa and then read this one.I'll do a short recap of that post now so you don't have to if you don't want to. I actually didn't like Denison. Lots of reasons but it was

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-55292415291656801552007-09-17T06:51:00.000-05:002007-09-17T07:47:47.196-05:00

While I wasn't unhappy in Fairmont I didn't care when we moved either. There were a lot of things to do there and I loved the lakes. I still do love lakes and if given a choice I will go sit by lakes or rivers whenever I get the chance. It calms me and reduces my stress almost instantly.Here I sit by the pool. The filter pumps are so powerful I can hear the water and there are a couple of large

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-29496556523704428112007-09-15T08:27:00.000-05:002007-09-15T08:56:08.540-05:00

The bus depot is now truly done. We never got another penny from there. Lol, at least the last thing we did get was a good adrenaline rush.That leaves the paper office and my first real encounter with the law. Come on, you knew I had to get caught sooner or later. Hell, I'd been stealing and shoplifting since I was 4 or 5. It catches up with you sooner or later.The last time I hit the paper

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-674657033070625672007-09-13T10:57:00.000-05:002007-09-13T11:57:09.451-05:00

I remember to much and I think to much. I've started trying to keep track of the time I spend, just thinking. Sometimes I think about weird things like the power of your mind or cosmic consciousness.Sometimes I think about my past life and what I'm going to write in here. That helps me to remember incidents that have happened. Sometimes I think about how am I going to open the boxes in my mind

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-58933702663788357752007-09-11T07:57:00.000-05:002007-09-11T22:42:47.635-05:00

While my friend and I were stealing from the paper office we were also checking the bus depot once a month or so. Just watching for an opportunity.It was starting to get cold out and we were all wearing coats most of the time. The boss had taken his keys and gone out to start his car and let it warm up. Oops, I immediately recognized the opportunity and told my friend to get ready as it was

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-24618331015820492502007-09-08T19:37:00.000-05:002007-09-08T20:39:24.873-05:00

No sidetrips today. Heh, if there are they will be short ones. Writing this stuff about my life is one of the most boring things I've ever done. It's also given me lots more insights as to why I make the decisions I do about almost everything. Which leads to the natural question, if I know why I have always done something how do I change it so it quits hurting me now? Hmmm, wonder what my

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-58237382647876491512007-09-04T19:48:00.000-05:002007-09-06T12:18:29.217-05:00

I just finished a book called Fire by Sebastian Junger. Good book and somewhat enlightening but one chapter in particular I found interesting. Yep, it's been out awhile but it's never been at the dollar store for a buck before. It's worth more than I paid for it and it's a hardcover book I'll keep for awhile.It's got a chapter in in called Colter's Way and it's about John Colter who was a

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-52292850923788476262007-09-03T12:33:00.000-05:002007-09-03T13:56:28.862-05:00

It's a holiday so time for some pseudo frivolity. At the very least, my version of what's amusing and my sense of humor, such as it is. I'd be one hell of a radio talk show host.So I heard on TV today that parents teach their kids all kinds of things that aren't true and have them believe in all kinds of things that aren't true.They tell you wonderful things about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny,

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-13341829927942163782007-09-01T07:12:00.000-05:002007-09-01T08:17:36.817-05:00

My parents and my sister loved to go visit my uncle and his wife, in Mason City, Ia. They had 3 kids and the oldest, Sandy, was my age. The two boys were a tad bit younger than I was.My uncle and his wife had gotten married when her youngest son, Mike, was just a few months old. Sandy and Frank were still pretty small too. Fact is they didn't know that my Uncle wasn't really their father.

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-67509942312511800572007-08-29T05:46:00.001-05:002007-08-29T06:26:58.182-05:00

I'll see if I can stay on track this time. Hopefully this stuff isn't as boring to you as it is to me.The bus depot was pretty much done so I started concentrating on the paper office. As I stated earlier it was also a game of patience and balls. I'd discovered where the money was and how to get at it.Opportunities were limited and chances of getting caught at anytime were probably around 50/50.

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-7586511253965974742007-08-27T07:36:00.000-05:002007-08-27T08:27:28.451-05:00

Things finally ended at the bus depot. We checked periodically to see but the office door was always locked. We were both a bit bummed out about it but I had other places so I didn't really care. Besides, we had scored big the last time so I didn't really need the money.Reality is I worked enough at so many different things I really didn't need to steal to have more money than most kids my age.

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-51187607400416572242007-08-25T11:51:00.000-05:002007-08-25T12:46:39.577-05:00

I just read an article about intelligent or gifted kids that irritated the helll out of me. So much so that I'm going to have a little rant here. Heh, I also learned a new word today, 'autodidacts' which is big word for 'self taught'. I also learned that being more intelligent than the average can lead to a person almost exactly like me. Depressed, alone and pretty much socially isolated because

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-90982425962094322802007-08-23T14:34:00.000-05:002007-08-23T15:23:43.095-05:00

I heard two different versions of depression today. Lol, I really need to learn to leave the TV off. The first version I heard was the depression is a survival mechanism in that it lets you know when you have been doing the wrong thing or things and is your bodies way or your minds way of telling you to stop.Well, I'd agree with that in the fact that it does make you stop. Of course it makes you

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-75262873206123134872007-08-20T14:02:00.000-05:002007-08-20T14:33:09.303-05:00

We hit the bus depot a few more times. never taking more than 1 pack of tens at a time. They keys were always in the bosses jacket pocket so it wasn't to tough.Then one day I overheard the boss telling someone the bus company was thinking about moving to a different building and he didn't know if they were going to renew his contract or what.So now what to do? If they moved it might be to an area

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-65223606873427510502007-08-17T06:49:00.000-05:002007-08-18T23:10:33.832-05:00

Lol, it wasn't surreal to me, it was just life. Daily life at that. I couldn't begin to put down everything that happened or that was done to me or the times I was left alone with a baby I wasn't capable of caring for at the age of 3 or 4. So many oddities and weird things have happened to me that I coined a word for them . Weirdities.By the time of the bus depot in Fairmont I'd been molested

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-1109515081843959492007-08-16T07:43:00.000-05:002007-08-16T08:20:27.646-05:00

So now we knew that stealing more money was going to be a bigger problem than we thought. Naturally I hatched a plan to get around the problem.It involved my friend going in and looking in the desk drawers for the key to the filing cabinet. We even went to a store and found one exactly like it so we knew what the key looked like.Once again it took a few visits to the bus depot to get the

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-63025338521141926832007-08-13T17:14:00.000-05:002007-08-13T17:33:25.193-05:00

One day at the bus depot. I was playing he pinball machine and had a friend along. We were just hanging out. I trusted him a little as we'd done a few things together.The boss was hanging around and going in and out of the office. Leaving the door open because he was going back and forth a lot. So I watched his movements while we played pinball.A couple of days later I talked my friend into

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-80294944753661580752007-08-10T21:04:00.000-05:002007-08-10T22:03:11.067-05:00

Heh, went out with a new girl today. Well, woman anyway, as she's 40. Still a girl to me but hey. We were just hanging out, watching some tv, drinking some wine, playing on the net and in general chillin.Nothing major. This girl and I will never have a relationship. She's fun and has a quick mind but she's way to much work. Mentally. Besides, she's just using me to make her boyfriend jealous and

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-72837465659865140742007-08-06T19:30:00.000-05:002007-08-06T20:05:36.540-05:00

I guess the answer to that question lies about 99 more posts in the future. Oh well, back to the big mess. My life.So life was about as good as it got back then. I was lying, cheating and stealing with impunity. I still delivered papers but I was also mowing some of my paper customers yards and they would recommend me to other people so I had plenty to do in the summer and in the winter I

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-28649263751245063402007-08-04T16:55:00.000-05:002007-08-04T17:32:56.420-05:00

Lol, this is a milestone I guess. My 100th post on this blog. To bad I couldn't make it something more important than Xanax and massages. OTOH it may help someone else.The comment about it knocking the person out changed my mid about what I was going to post.The first time I took Xanax it made me really irritable. My ex didn't come into my office for two days because I was so irrationally crabby

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-46285657036474490602007-08-01T07:19:00.000-05:002007-08-01T08:21:54.985-05:00

I was talking to a lady yesterday who was telling me she was on drugs for depression. So we started comparing the depression drugs we had both taken.It was quite a list between the two of us. Personally the only drug I've found that really works for me for anything at all is Xanax. The two no drug things that seem to work best are just laying in the sun for an hour a day and getting massages.

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-70813808125353047212007-07-29T06:09:00.000-05:002007-07-29T06:47:45.540-05:00

As I said before I got sidetracked. I found out the schedule of the guy running the paper office and knew how much time I had to explore to find the money and figure out how to steal what I wanted.The whole thing was going to be entirely blind and if anyone at all came in while I was doing it I was going to be busted. The office was set up with an L shaped counter with a piece that flipped up so

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-87247337983812536992007-07-25T14:46:00.000-05:002007-07-26T08:22:11.239-05:00

I was going to put at reply to the comment on my last post but this will be even better as it gives me more room. Heh, a court appointed shrink once told the judge I had sociopathic tendencies but I wasn't a sociopath.Lol, I also have a certificate somewhere that says I'm sane. Yeah, ya have to get committed to the funny farm to get one of those. 30 days for observation. Great story there but

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-71505892182589042262007-07-24T19:55:00.000-05:002007-07-24T21:09:49.216-05:00

The friend who moved had told me how to steal from the paper office. Just remembered but it was the MPLS paper I was delivering.Lol, I also just remembered why I almost always had a paper route wherever I lived. It was a legitimate way for me to have money and it also allowed me to checkout everything on my route. Who had things I might want, who smoked and left their cars doors unlocked,

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-16438063327353948732007-07-22T13:14:00.000-05:002007-07-22T13:38:00.719-05:00

Should there be a law that says women who are about to become mothers, and their baby's daddy if he and the mother are together, be required to take a parenting class?Funny, I wasn't going to write anything today but I was doing some other research and ran across a video that questioned if it would be a good law if everyone who got a dog from the pound had to take a dog training class as part of

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-29647312412600999372007-07-21T19:21:00.000-05:002007-07-21T20:28:09.444-05:00

The anonymous comment to the last post has made me think a bit more than usual. Nothing unusual there tho as I think to much anyway. But I wonder, do you think you are a success or do you think you are a failure?I'm going to get a bit ahead of myself here as far as chronology goes but not to bad. If you've read any of this you know I started with nothing. Not even wanted by my mother so actually

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-87613618293938968412007-07-18T21:08:00.000-05:002007-07-18T22:24:57.086-05:00

If you've read much of these posts you know, that even as a child, I did and do what ever I want to do. Always have but within the rules I live by. Sometimes those rules change but it's always for the better.Around 1987 I finally made some major changes in my life. Some of my rules changed then too. They've changed since then and I expect will change until I die. However they are quite

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-40424723275202944662007-07-16T18:37:00.000-05:002007-07-16T19:01:57.608-05:00

I continued to take money from the managers office at the bus depot for months more. Finally I heard the manager bitching to the assistant manager that he just couldn't figure out who was stealing all the money.The made plans to trap the person or persons doing it. As they were in the managers office I overheard the whole conversation and it wasn't going to be a problem. Lol, they even got around

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-54813281152861395912007-07-14T19:24:00.000-05:002007-07-14T19:56:13.368-05:00

Mama T and I were talking this morning and some how we got on the subject of death. We had been talking about Karma and some other things and for some reason I made the remark that I'd be glad when this life was over as it had been pretty much BS from the time I was born.She and I seem to have some sort of bond that I can't explain nor would I bother to try. Being from two different cultures

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-49671812705949597892007-07-12T16:55:00.000-05:002007-07-12T17:16:05.763-05:00

As I said earlier breaking 20 dollar bills was a problem. So I quit taking them. No brainer there huh. For a kid I had more money than I needed or could spend without arousing a lot of suspicion.About the only things I spent money on were things I couldn't steal. Bowling, pinball, pizza and some of the bigger fishing lures that were kept behind the counter. I didn't live extravagantly but every

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-87085089854978941632007-07-10T19:03:00.001-05:002007-07-11T08:47:34.013-05:00

I met someone weird about a year ago, that I'd seen for a few weeks before I actually met him. He was the boyfriend of one of the girls I worked with.This guy was walking weirdness. All you had to do is look at him and you knew he was weird. He looked normal, but weird at the same time. Lol, I wonder if people have that reaction when they meet me?Unless I'm wearing all black, which I do

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-17013246797850489032007-07-09T06:51:00.000-05:002007-07-09T07:09:21.294-05:00

As I said in the last addition to this stressed and depressed life story 20 dollar bills were a unexpected problem.I'd stolen enough of the smaller bills from the bus depot and ones thru tens weren't a problem. However I stoled a pack of 20's and the first one I tried to spend I got a bunch of questions about where did I get it, etc.Lied my ass off and got it cashed but I learned to be much more

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-41831886362348512092007-07-06T17:37:00.000-05:002007-07-06T22:05:25.500-05:00

You've probably figured out that I loved to gamble. Considering I've told you I hustled pool, bowling, pinball and everything else I was great at. Even chess for drinks later on in life. Cards, pitching quarters, anything. As long as could gamble on it I would.Almost always won. Stealing money and shoplifting gave me the same rush gambling did. Probably even more as the penalty for getting

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-79732850935947373512007-07-04T12:33:00.000-05:002007-07-04T12:49:16.913-05:00

This is continued from the last post. Yes I was playing pinball when the owner of the place came to his office to get change. I saw him come out but it was to busy for me to check it out any more than that.I was in there about 4 more times before the opportunity finally presented itself for me to get back into his office without worrying about getting caught.I was play the machines one night and

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-21478697271033125372007-07-02T19:08:00.000-05:002007-07-02T19:33:18.179-05:00

I mentioned earlier that I loved to play pinball machines. Yeh, back in the day I was a gamer. Still am but I got old and reflexes got slow. I had one of the first Nintendo games to come out. I played almost 24 hours a day when I first got it. Even took a day off work to play. Got a severe case of Nintendo thumb.I bought a X-box a couple of years ago because I got tired of my two younger cousins

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-1563656199663858662007-06-29T18:41:00.000-05:002007-06-30T08:11:39.459-05:00

I should stop listening to Bonnie Tyler music. Then I had a thought. Yep, that would solve all of both our problems. You should have figured out by now that I ran away from home because of a woman. Lol, I mean this time, in the present year of 2007. Well, in the past too but today I am talking today.Some days I think she's the worst thing that ever happened to me and some days I think she's the

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-34635371233159662632007-06-28T20:05:00.000-05:002007-06-28T20:31:56.493-05:00

When I was a kid I didn't understand about the adrenaline rush I got from some of the stupid things I did. When I would shoplift something it wasn't always something I needed. Most of the time it was but not always.Lol, one year I made it a goal to shoplift all of my xmas presents for my mother, sister and stepfather. I paid for my grandmothers gift. I shoplifted mostly to see if I could get

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-61170511243243235512007-06-25T07:02:00.000-05:002007-06-25T07:39:49.304-05:00

I wrote a post on a forum about the difference between facts, reality and truth.Yes, I know, you thought they were all the same. Well, they aren't. That's part of what makes life so complicated. Facts are always true but reality and truth are very different and very changeable.The fact and the truth is that in my reality I am very depressed. The fact and truth is that in my reality I am in a lot

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-59806465758962905352007-06-23T20:39:00.000-05:002007-06-23T21:24:02.144-05:00

For some reason I've been in more than the usual amount of pain for the last few days. It hurts my legs to walk and they hurt just sitting still. No comfortable position at all. Elbows, forearms and hands are the same way.No clue what's causing it, well, a couple of medical problems, but the pain is beyond the usual scope of increase. Hopefully it's the weather. I've had arthritis for years but

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-45983004682777721472007-06-21T20:53:00.000-05:002007-06-21T23:00:42.347-05:00

Somewhere there's a beautiful woman with a man who is tired of sleeping with her. It really amused me when I read that yesterday. Kinda like that old song Never make a pretty woman your wife.I've been out with a lot of beautiful women, even more average women and, yes, naturally a few ugly ones too. When I show people pictures of the chick I had my last real relationship with they tell me I must

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-22442564503175240762007-06-19T15:50:00.000-05:002007-06-19T16:18:33.614-05:00

Somedays it's really depressing to come here and write about being depressed all of my life. I don't like it and I don't always want to do it but I manage to on most days.People have told me all of my life that I should write my life story. I could never understand why, still don't, but that's what this is going to be in the end. I know I'm missing things and I know I get tired of repeating

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-59948556825859301892007-06-18T05:42:00.000-05:002007-06-18T06:04:43.581-05:00

Basically other people see my life as exciting and I suppose it was but to me it was just normal. When you don't know anything else but drunken parents, beatings, being molested, lying, cheating, stealing and the rest you don;t know the risks you take or anything else.Nor do you really care. I was still getting great grades in school. I still read all the time and I still fished as much as

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-28911486536118844462007-06-15T20:15:00.000-05:002007-06-15T20:41:18.495-05:00

I hated my paper route. I always wanted one where I could drive but for some reason they don't hand out licenses to kids who can't see over the steering wheel.People were always pissed off at me on the last half of my route because when I delivered the paper to the bowling alley I'd always play the pinball machines. I'd get so wrapped up in it I'd forget the time. It was a nickle a day because I

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-80672765827002418952007-06-14T06:58:00.001-05:002007-06-14T07:26:47.939-05:00

I've been looking for a nice female for a great relationship for a long time. A little over 3 years now. Twice I thought I had found the right woman and both times it turns out they didn't meet my minimum standards.My minimums aren't that tough, not over weight by to much, intelligent, honest, reliable, does what she says she will do. Now my ideal and/or perfect woman description can be found

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-62189709304618558312007-06-11T15:56:00.000-05:002007-06-11T16:51:12.155-05:00

My stepfather, who I always called Murphy as that was his last name. I never did call him dad but my sister did from about the first week after he and my mother got married. Lol, used to piss my mother off that I wouldn't call him dad. She beat me a few times for it.Mof when my daughter, who was given up for adoption, found me one of the first things she told me was she didn't know what to call

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-60166316335732468502007-06-07T16:35:00.000-05:002007-06-07T18:45:37.817-05:00

The best thing about fishing, besides catching fish, was that it was something I could do alone. I loved being away from adults. Of course that makes sense because most adults close to me did nothing but hurt me physically, mentally or emotionally.Those that didn't do any of those failed to protect me so I had no trust in adults at all. Relatives least of all. Probably explains why I've more

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-13968903021601425892007-06-06T17:21:00.000-05:002007-06-06T21:00:51.052-05:00

For some reason I have a lot of anger this afternoon. I have no clue why or what is making me feel this way. Nothing is stressing me out and I was fine this morning. Played with baby T as usual and she was next to perfect. No tantrums or anything.Lol, I have more stress from being pissed and not knowing why than I do from anything else. I took my Xanax like I'm supposed to, my mind isn't running

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-53609355632588016482007-06-05T08:51:00.000-05:002007-06-05T11:51:46.169-05:00

I said yesterday the purpose of this blog wasn't to make money. Today I noticed all of the self esteem AdSense ads and I know a free method to boost anyone and every ones self esteem.Before I get to the specific instructions I'll tell you something that will be a subject of a future post. I spent 20 years as a serious alcoholic and had a lot of guilt about a lot of things. Heh, talk about causes

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-72472723548628423842007-06-03T17:37:00.000-05:002007-06-03T17:56:00.687-05:00

While I run adsense ads on this blog I do that because it was to easy not to. The main purpose of this blog isn't to make money altho that is the biggest purpose of some blogs. This one is here to tell my story about my life and my life long depression.Today I'm going to digress a little bit and tell you a few other things. First off I've been a webmaster for 11 years now and I made quite a bit

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-30195269888216431732007-06-01T21:25:00.000-05:002007-06-01T21:51:43.403-05:00

Fairmont was a fun place for a lot of reasons. I was free to do pretty much whatever I wanted and go wherever I wanted. I loved the lakes and I still love being around lakes and the water. Calms me but I don't know why.Even when I'd go to Milwaukee to see a girlfriend or two when I wasn't with them or sleeping I'd go sit by Lake Michigan. I had a favorite spot and I'd watch the boats go by and

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-91996853673028472732007-05-31T19:33:00.000-05:002007-05-31T20:02:12.771-05:00

We lived in two different house in Fairmont and I only remember the last one. No memory at all of the first one we lived in. Kinda tells me nothing unusual happened there but we didn't live there very long either.My mother still beat me and my stepfather occasionally used his fists on me but I was used to it so it wasn't anything new or memorable. If something happens often enough it becomes

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-26752416768432863242007-05-29T17:25:00.000-05:002007-05-29T18:08:05.173-05:00

For some reason I got ahead of the story. Yesterdays post is correct, it's just not in the correct order. Evidently I copied the wrong page when I pasted it in to the blog. Before we moved to Denison from Sioux City we moved back to Minnesota. Then to Sioux City, then to Denison, then to LeMars Iowa.Fairmont MN was a pretty cool place. Lots of lakes and I liked it there. Big enough so I wasn't

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-17286175131919519532007-05-28T22:09:00.000-05:002007-05-28T22:32:38.100-05:00

Nothing much more happened in Sioux City and we moved to Denison Iowa. We didn't live there long and I didn't like it at all. Lol, lost my virginity there tho, at least what was left of it. That's for another day.We lived in a large two bedroom apt over a bar and one of the rooms was huge so it was divided with a curtain and made into two bedrooms. So that meant once again I didn't have to share

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-43611695907094312242007-05-26T08:05:00.000-05:002007-05-26T08:10:07.024-05:00

Here's a quote from George Bernard Shaw: "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."When I was a kid I was severely abused. Physically, mentally and sexually. We were poorer than most people in

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-74421471639818720512007-05-25T20:46:00.000-05:002007-05-25T21:45:42.722-05:00

Dating sucks and depression doesn't help it at all. Nor does the fact I'm really picky. I had a knock on my door a couple of days ago and it was an idiot I met at the motel pool, along with a chick. He's dumber than a stump and thinks he's really slick but the chick was kind of hot.He introduced us and we talked for a bit on the balcony and then she asked if she could come in. I said sure she

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3377976822353252122.post-10433272652358512722007-05-24T08:51:00.000-05:002007-05-24T18:03:05.521-05:00

I don't really have to many memories of living in Sioux City the second time. Nothing major happened and for me it was just normal.I did finally grow enough to get on top of the roof that was next to my grandmothers building tho. It was built pretty close and I figured out I could put my feet against my grandmothers bldg wall and my back on the other wall and then work my way up.I found other

IMDepressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07197842079382201334noreply@blogger.com0